friend break-ups

2018, lifestyle, mental health

Hello!

I’ve been thinking about writing a post like this for a while and then yesterday, I uploaded my ‘things I’d tell my teenage self’ video and I touched on this subject and I wanted to make a full blog post about it, because I have a lot to say.

I want to emphasise this with obviously this is only one side of the story – there’s always a part of my brain that when I talk about friends I’ve lost that screams that maybe I’m the one in the wrong, maybe I’m just an awful friend and the problem here is me. I’m aware of this, but with that said let’s get on with it.

Losing a friend is the worst – there are songs and films and books about relationships and break ups but if you really listen to the message of those mediums you’ll find that in most cases you can empathise in a similar way about friend break-ups.

I seem to make friends with a lot people who don’t put the same effort in as I do or don’t reciprocate or value my friendship in the same way I do, maybe it’s because they just don’t like me that much and yeah that crosses my mind a lot. But it’s when someone tells you that they love having you around and then still don’t really show it is when I start to get upset.

And this is the point where I test it. So maybe ‘testing’ friendships isn’t the healthiest approach, but the way I test it is I stop being the one to reach out first – I don’t start a conversation, I’m not the one to arrange going for a coffee or whatever. And that’s when I know that testing it was worth it because I never hear from that person again. Maybe they’re just grateful that I finally stopped bugging them but in some cases, years later, they’ve messaged me again and said ‘it’s been years since we talked!’ and I’m like yeah, I wonder why that is. At that point I don’t reply.

On the other side, sometimes a ‘friend’ will message me first but it’s only when they’re sad or something bad has happened and they want someone to boost their ego and I’m happy to be a person to talk to, but in a world of mental health problems if they’re going to lean on me so heavily when they’re sad I need to be able to lean back and I couldn’t, so I was ignored and I crumpled.

(that metaphor went surprisingly well)

But this isn’t a pity party! I’m not trying to say that I’ve never had a good friend, I do have friends that are very close to my heart and I’m very grateful to call my friends. I’m not trying to evoke sympathy or portray myself like a victim or anything.

What I’m saying is if you’re the person being leaned on – stop letting them lean, don’t use your precious emotional energy, passion and love helping someone else feel better when it wouldn’t even cross their mind to do the same for you. Focusing on the people that really care about you will be so much more fulfilling and make your heart so much happier.

Letting people go is hard, really hard, especially when they turn to you in dark times and leaving them there feels like the worst thing in the world and makes you feel like an awful person but you’re not, sometimes for your own sake you have to prioritise yourself.

It hurts, and you can justify mourning a lost friendship in the same way people mourn relationships – sometimes it’s someones fault, sometimes it’s on mutual terms, sometimes for your own sake you just have to let them go but just like relationships, it does get better. You don’t spend your entire life being sad about that person, you find new people, better people and life goes on.

Just to disclaim again, I’m aware that every story has two sides and whilst on one side this is how I’ve interpreted it, I could be wrong and my brain tells me basically every day that I’m an awful human and everything’s my fault anyway ha ha #lol (covering up my sadness with sarcasm as per).

I do have a handful of incredibly close friends and I wouldn’t trade them for anything – I know I could message them whenever and I hope they feel the same about me. I don’t want them to feel invalid because of what I’ve written about other people in this post so to clarify: I don’t think this of all the people I at one point or another called friends.

Thank you for reading,

Sophie xx

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my relationship with youtube

2017, lifestyle

Hello!

In January last year, I knew I’d planned a big year on my YouTube channel – in 2015 I’d blogged every day for a year and in 2016 I was going to film my life every day and then edit it into these huge monthly vlogs and it was going to be a huge challenge but I was really excited for it. At that point, I had no intention of taking a year off from making any other kind of content on my channel.

Then I uploaded a video that I was ashamed to upload – it was how to make this pasta bake that I used to make all the time and I think I might try to remake that video sometime because I can definitely do it so much better than I did but I uploaded that one video and I hated it. The next Sunday, when it came to making another video, I just didn’t. And the next Sunday the same.

All of a sudden I decided I wasn’t making any videos outside the monthly vlogs in 2016.

And it was the best decision I could have made.

In the two years before that, I’d had no trouble coming up with video ideas – when I was away in Ecuador, I had 9 videos scheduled and I had no problem thinking of ideas or motivating myself to make or edit them. But uni made it more difficult to make videos and I just slumped.

I wasn’t too worried about my channel dying because I was still uploading the monthly vlogs and I was very lucky that I didn’t actually loose too many subscribers in the process.

By June or July in 2016, I was ready to start making videos again. I didn’t at that point because I didn’t want to interrupt the nice pattern of the months I had on my channel so I didn’t rush it. Around August, after I attended Summer in the City (the UK’s biggest YouTube convention!) and at that point I was so ready to start creating again.

I picked up my little YouTube notebook – the same one that I planned my very first video in back in 2013, and I wrote down January 1st ‘why I had a year off YouTube’. Over the rest of 2016, I planned six months of videos, uploading one a week and I’m actually really excited.

I uploaded my first video on January 1st and now I have an upload day and an upload time and it literally makes my tummy do excited flips whenever I think about making more videos over the rest of the year.

One of the biggest announcements from YouTubers I watch last year was Shay Carl announcing he’s taking a year off YouTube – the family vlogger and his wife sat down in their car in the twenty minute announcement video and he said the reason he started was because he wanted to see if he could keep it up for a week, then a month then a year. Now the challenge for him is going to be not doing it for a year.

This announcement really stuck with me, I’m not sure why because it’s the opposite of what I want to do but it really inspired me to be proud of what I make, because I don’t want to upload content I’m ashamed of ever again.

Sometimes forcing yourself to make stuff can really help kickstart creativity but sometimes a break is really what you need.

My new video for this week went up today at 6pm and, as long as I keep on top of things, videos will be going up every Friday for the considerable future!

If you wanted to go over to my channel and subscribe that would mean an awful lot to me, give the video a like and leave a comment to let me know you came over from my blog too!

Comment question for today – are there any ‘smaller’ YouTubers that you’re a massive fan of? Let me know down in the comments! My friend Dean, who I met at Summer in the City, has an amazing channel and I love watching his videos so you should check him out too.

Thank you for reading,

Sophie xx

 

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