losing my sense of style + my body positivity

2021, fashion, mental health

Hello!

I’ve never been a person who’s confident in their body – as someone who spent their childhood and teenage years prancing round a dance studio in leotards surrounded by stick thin ballerinas feeling inadequate because I had a lil belly and my arms jiggled (I was a size 12, I was bigger but not big) I’ve always felt insecure. As I went to uni and put on even more weight and went from ‘a little bit podgy’ to ‘properly plus sized’ my already minimal self-confidence plummeted further.

And in the last year, I feel all sense of ‘self’ in my outward appearance has completely evaporated. Most of us have spent the majority of the last year not getting dressed ‘properly’ at all – loungewear sets became all the rage, the ‘lockdown pounds’ became a (horrible) thing and many of our clothes have done nothing but gather dust with no reason to wear them.

Don’t get me wrong – I love fashion (in my own way); I like experimenting with clothes and figuring out how to take looks I like from girls who don’t look like me and make them my own. I like giving girly outfits a grungy twist with a leather jacket and Dr Marten’s and pretending I’m more edgy than someone who listens to tiktok songs on Spotify and turns up to video meetings earlier than necessary because I’m scared of being late. I love wearing trousers that aren’t jeans and patterns and colours; cosy oversized jumpers and thinking about curating a wardrobe that lasts rather than buying new clothes on a whim for the short-term endorphin hit.

But every day I turn to a pair of leggings and a variation of a t-shirt and hoodie or a sweatshirt. Now I feel like all of my clothes are too tight and I want to feel like I’m being drowned – like a child wearing their dad’s clothes.

I regret giving my mustard hoodie that was (literally) 12 sizes too big for me to my sister.

I mean, she loves it and wears it all the time so it went to a good home but still.

I feel like I need to ‘reinvent’ my style – put more effort into getting dressed and enjoying the outfits I wear, but those outfits aren’t meant for sitting in my living room on my own working from home 8 hours a day. So how do I get out of this funk? Do I buy myself some massively oversized clothes and see if hiding my body makes me feel better? Do I start chanting some mantras about loving myself as I am (even though I really don’t)? Do I start making myself get dressed and do make up even when I don’t have the energy for it?

I wish I had answers.

One of the options should probably be to do a wardrobe clear out and get rid of the clothes that don’t make me happy. But right now, I don’t think it’s the clothes that are the problem. I think my desire to want to hide in my clothes is a reflection of me and not my wardrobe.

For now, my response is to wear what makes me feel comfortable for the day – if I want to wear a shirt, if I want to wear a t-shirt dress, if I want to pull my hood up over my face and pull the strings tight, it’ll make each day easier. Everyone is struggling right now – no one’s hardships can be compared to another because the universe it throwing us the biggest curveball it can in turning the world as we know it upside down and we handle that how we can. Predominantly with loungewear.

log Forcing myself to feel something I don’t about my body is never going to help me on the journey to loving it – making the effort to eat good food, exercise more than 0 times a week and find clothes that don’t make me feel like a clown are enough to get through one day at a time.

That’ll do for now.

Thank you for reading,

Sophie xx

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wear it all February | sustainable clothing challenge

2020, fashion, goals, sustainability

Hello!

My relationship with fashion has always been a bit strange – between owning a hundred t-shirts, enjoying a bit of ‘fast fashion’ before the phrase existed and now trying to re-establish what I actually consider my ‘style’ and approach to fashion.

Last summer, someone I follow on Instagram did a challenge called ‘wear it all July’ – she only allowed herself to wear everything in her wardrobe once and it forced her to try new things with her clothes and really highlighted the clothes she kept avoiding that she didn’t want to wear them. I’d thought about trying it for a while but the last few months have been hectic and now is the first chance I’ve had to do it.

So I’m doing ‘wear it all February’ – a challenge where I only wear the items in my wardrobe once. Obviously I’m not including any underwear, pyjamas, workout gear or shoes (I definitely don’t have enough) and my plan is to rewear clothes only if I run out in that ‘category’. For example, I know I don’t have enough trousers to get my through the month but I’m already incorporating more dresses into my outfits than I’ve worn in a very long time.

I’m finding taking this approach makes choosing what to wear more thoughtful than ‘jeans and a cosy knit’. I’m looking at my wardrobe in a whole new way and it’s going to help me see more of what I’ve got, especially when I’m down to the last few days at the end of the month.

Currently, the way I’m organising my clothes is that once I’ve worn them, I’ll either put them in the wash if they need washing or fold them up in the bottom of my wardrobe to redistribute next month when I reintegrate all my clothes back into the wardrobe. And as more clothes go into the pile at the bottom of the wardrobe I’ll be able to literally see the clothes I don’t wear very often more clearly.

Not only is this going to stop me buying new clothes, I think it’ll give a new lise of life to clothes I already have and remind me why I loved them in the first place. I’m loving finding a new approach to fashion – looking in charity shops, watching videos of people upcycling some of their clothes and having the same clothes for years and years sounds like something I should have always been doing. Consumerism, the business of fast fashion and the short-term gratification of shiny new things is hard to unlearn!

But this month that is my intention. I haven’t been taking outfit photos so far (because I forgot on day one and didn’t see the point in continuing at that point). I’m definitely going to write another post at the end of this month talking about how it went but if you have any questions or ideas about the ‘wear it all challenge’ then please let me know!

Thank you so much for reading,

Sophie xx

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