a taste of Autumn… | outfit

2019, fashion, photography

Hello!

This week has been a whirlwind – my boyfriend and I were all geared up to move across country on Friday, then the day before my birthday we were told (with three days to go) that we can’t move in yet, then it was my birthday, then we went to go see a Pointless recording and now we’re in the area we’re moving to because we still need to be here even though we have nowhere to live so we’re hotel hopping!

That was a long sentence, wasn’t it?

Regardless of all the crap going on around it, I had a wonderful birthday – a lovely chilled out day with my favourite person and he took me to a lovely local spot called Rutland Water and I went a bit mad on Huji so I thought I’d share some of the pictures!

Views like this make me so happy – I love water, I love the sound and watching the waves ripple against the tide. I could have sat there all afternoon if it wasn’t quite so windy!

Look at my favourite boy ūüíú

We got very comfy on that bench – a nice cuddle, a little bit of tattoo picture placement, I could just about smell salty water in the air and we thoroughly enjoyed watching the ducks swim against the tide.

This is legitimately one of my new favourite pictures and I couldn’t not include it!

This is the closest I get to being a brave adventurer – I love pretending I’m this cool exciting person that traverses rocks with ease but really I was very cautious and didn’t really trust anything I stood on. But I tried!

Then my boyfriend took cute pictures – I love this outfit so much. These dungarees make me feel like a toddler and it was my birthday and I was near water with my favourite person hence the expression of joy that literally made me throw my hands up in the air.

And here’s the outfit – the key thing for me as it gets colder is layers. I’m not big on ‘summer/winter wardrobes’ because I just wear the same clothes year round with different layers. So this kind of outfit is pretty staple for me!

Starting from the bottom – the trainers are Primark (and surprisingly comfy, thoroughly recommend), the dungarees are this seasons Primark (thin but comfy and look good with the legs rolled down too), the stripy tee is a Primark basic (that almost certainly cost me less than ¬£2) and the cardigan is from my mum’s wardrobe. It’s one of those things that I borrowed once and then I said ‘mum have you ever worn this’ and she said ‘no you can have it’, which is the best response to be honest.

Dungarees, pinafores and some other items of clothing have been the kind of looks I’ve wanted to wear for¬†so long but I’ve always been put off because I didn’t think they’d flatter me. But last year I bit the bullet and bought a pinafore which I love and I actually feel really cute in and this year it’s dungarees! These ones are actually too big for me but I’m a tall person with quite the tummy so getting dunga’s that fit is a mission, but these will do for now!

What is your favourite thing to wear in Autumn? I’m currently resisting all the knitwear in shops but I’m excited to get mine out when we finally move!

Thank you so much for reading,

Sophie xx

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just an outfit post

2018, fashion, lifestyle, mental health

Hello!

I really want to make an effort to talk more about fashion and outfit posts on my blog because it’s something I love and I feel so much more confident about and it’s something I’ve made huge progress on this year so I want to continue documenting that!

So I thought it would be nice if I could find somewhere cute to take the photos on a trip to London on Monday and we walked past this shrubbery outside a restaurant with fairy lights in it and I decided it was festive and cute and this would be it.

However I didn’t think to not be holding the bulging purple bag of my new NASA sweater and the hat and scarf it was too warm for, I didn’t think to shrug off my coat and actually show off my outfit, nor did I think to get any close ups of nice details. But it’s all lessons to learn for the future – can’t rush outfit photos!

This pinafore dress has become such a favourite of mine this month – I bought it in Primark and I really didn’t think it would suit me at all but it’s so flattering! I decided to wear it with a New Look shirt (similar), an old TU from Sainsburys cardigan and my men’s Primark coat.

The shirt and pinafore is something I hadn’t tried before, usually I wear knitwear jumpers with this dress but I really loved the shirt and I’ve decided I’m definitely wearing it on Christmas day.

The tights however – don’t recommend! You think chub rub is just a summer problem? Nah mate – I love how they look and they’re generally so comfy but after 15,000 steps it was a bit much and they actually broke skin, definitely learnt my lesson. They’re okay if you’re staying at home or not walking too far but long term? Don’t bother!

This might be the only cute candid photo of me ever taken. Ironic that it was taken on Monday and then on Tuesday I spent 2+ hours letting a very nice lady called Gemma change dye and cut my hair. I’ll be posting some pictures on Instagram¬†in the next few days but for now these are the photos that I’ll be keeping for a while!

Sometimes I have a proper complex about liking a picture of myself – I don’t want people to think I’m vain or self obsessed because I love a picture of myself but y’know what? It’s so rare that I don’t hate a picture of myself that I am going to sing and shout about this picture and post it everywhere because why not make the most of a photo I actually like?

I think this is the first outfit post I’ve ever written without any particular kind of purpose or message – normally I have a statement about body confidence or my improving relationship with my body but I think my last post about finding some confidence¬†still rings true. I’m still not 100% confident in my body or what I’m wearing, but I don’t think anybody is all of the time! I’m not scared of trying new things and I’m really working on refining my wardrobe and ruthlessly getting rid of the stuff I don’t wear even if I love it.

I’m kind of working on a long term blog post on the process of making my wardrobe into something a bit like but not quite a capsule wardrobe – if you have any tips or advice that would be very much appreciated!

So learning to write about fashion without having a huge point or a big meaningful conclusion is the next step I think! Maybe I need to write less and just let the pictures do the talking (and spend longer getting much nicer pictures that actually show the outfit) but we all know I love a ramble.

And I like reaching a conclusion! In the last week or so a few old friends from school that I knew literally years and years ago have reached out to me on Instagram and said they really like my content and my positivity online.

Being told I’m positive is¬†news to me, I always feel like I’m super depressing and negative and I’ve been desperately trying to make more of an effort with this and I feel it’s paying off. So I like my blog posts to reach a positive conclusion, even if it’s not got a weighty point or covers a topic like body positivity.

Sure, I just wrote a couple of paragraphs about positivity but I can’t smile in an outfit photo because I’ve got a lil bit of a complex about my smile at the moment. But that’s not the point!

I really like this outfit, this pinafore and the fact it coordinates so well with my Dr Marten’s. It’s only from Primark but it’s really opened my eyes to trying things that ‘don’t stereotypically fit my body type’ and giving things a chance! Yes, I’m trying to change my body shape and this time next year I think I’ll have a whole different level of fitness and hopefully be a fairly different dress size, but coming to terms with my body and accepting it for what it is? It’s such a useful life skill to have that peace with yourself.

So no, I don’t have a ‘point’ – I wanted to write an outfit post, I thought it would be fun to take the pictures in London and it’s an outfit for the sake of an outfit. I like sharing and posts without a big conclusion are definitely a work in progress!

As always, thank you to my gorgeous boyfriend for taking the photos – we’re both getting the hang of this ‘fashion blogger’ malarky and I’m so grateful to have my number 1 cheerleader as my go to photographer.

Thank you so much for reading,

Sophie xx

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is this confidence? | outfit

2018, fashion, lifestyle, mental health, photography

Hello!

I’m really getting into fashion at the moment – I touched on this in an outfit post before but for a long time I felt trapped in leggings and oversized t-shirts and jumpers because I’d put on a lot of weight and I didn’t feel like I could justify experimenting with anything else.

But I’m moving on – I’m broadening my mindset and telling myself I deserve to experiment with fashion too! I’m also losing weight so a win on both fronts.

And I’m so loving experimenting with new styles – funky trousers that aren’t jeans or leggings are my jam at the moment (especially if they have an elasticated waist!) (and yes I just used the word ‘funky’ unironically).

trying with all my might to be edgy… (cardigan – TU at Sainsburys, tee – dorkface etsy, trousers – Nutmeg at Morrisons, boots – Primark)

I have a lot of t-shirts, I really need to have a ruthless sort out and throw away from of the ones I know I will never wear but I’m enjoying figuring out alternatives – different shirts and jumpers, mixing smarter looking trousers with more informal sweaters and shoes that might not be the most flattering but I think they look cool and they’re comfy so why not?

The feeling of leaving the house nervous and if I’m out in town or on the bus or popping to the shops, I often felt like the world was staring at me – if I heard laughter I’d assume it was aimed at me and I’d done something wrong for one reason or another. But it’s not! I now feel like I love what I’m wearing and I love this style I’m finding and I feel more me than I ever have.

It’s all a work in progress – whilst I’m in the process of redecorating my bedroom and I’ve just finished building a new wardrobe and transferring all my clothes over, I know I definitely need to have a sort out and a clear out, maybe even sell some of my clothes on depop or one of those sites? I’m really thinking about starting a capsule wardrobe and making myself think about the longevity of what I’m wearing – I need to stop buying things for the sake of memories or because it’s got Hufflepuff on it (very guilty) but I definitely need to do some more research first.

I’m really liking sharing what I’m wearing on instagram and writing about it here – it’s not a vanity thing, I don’t think anybody should be inspired by what I wear, but does any fashion blogger? I don’t think any fashion influencer probably didn’t start out thinking ‘wow I the way I dress is so great I need to tell other people so they start dressing like me’ – it’s almost certainly that they were really passionate about what they bought and wanted to share it!

Because who doesn’t get excited when you get a really good haul of new clothes?

Maybe one day I’ll be writing outfit posts that aren’t deep rooted in body image and self esteem, but for now – I’ve done my time talking about how difficult I find it to like what I see in the mirror (and boy when I’m at my tap dance classes seeing my reflection in the mirror is still bloody difficult) but having these positive posts about¬†improving my relationship with my body is something that I 100% want to document and promote!

If you have any tips on having a capsule wardrobe or ways to ruthlessly cut down how many clothes you have please do let me know! I’m a bit of a stranger to all this!

Thank you for reading,

Sophie xx

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trying something new | outfit

2018, fashion, lifestyle, photography

Hello!

This summer, I’ve been trying to be a bit more adventurous with what I wear – now that the heatwave seems to have (finally) drawn to an end, I feel like I can experiment a bit now that I’m not sweating constantly.

And last week, my family and I went to a market in a local town and I spotted this gorgeous elephant print floaty top on a stall and it was only ¬£10! Elephants are my thing so whenever I see anything with elephants on it’s difficult to leave behind.

When I got it, I didn’t think I’d get much wear out of it – it’s very long, my sister described it as looking like a hospital gown and she was right. But with these high waisted plus sized jeans from ASOS, I actually loved it – I could pull it out so it was still airy and light but I loved the contrast of having it tucked in.

It’s comfy, it’s perfect for summer because it’s so thin but it would also be perfect for the transition months because it’s so easy to layer. I’m excited to figure out other ways to wear this top and I feel like being excited to wear an item of clothing isn’t a bad thing.

I have a pretty awful relationship with my body – I really don’t like my appearance and I’m very aware of my attitude to food and desperately trying not to let it develop into anything worse (I talked about it a little bit in an instagram post the other day).

I don’t want to make every outfit post about body image, but talking about the clothes I’m wearing involves showing how they look on my body and that takes a lot for me to feel comfortable sharing – the truth is I¬†don’t feel comfortable sharing them. Every photo I edit to include I pick apart every last possible flaw about myself. I don’t look at my body a lot and the image of myself I have in my head is a fair bit slimmer than what I actually look like so sharing the pictures with my tummy pouch and my big arms and my face that can’t just seem to manage that sultry, moody face without looking like I actually want to commit murder.

And I hope that other people don’t see those things when looking at the same photos. There’s the little part of my brain that says ‘don’t be stupid, everyone thinks you’re disgusting’ but then I think ‘well maybe they don’t’ and then I think ‘who are you to be cocky enough to think that’ and it goes on and on. Maybe I shouldn’t share these things, but if I read a post about someone who thinks the same way I do then it would be incredibly reassuring. But already I’m thinking ‘but no one cares enough about your writing to be reassured by it’.

Long story short I really like this top and I wanted to share it. Long story long I have a tricky relationship with my body and maybe sharing it is helping?

Thank you for reading,

Sophie xx

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becoming plus sized | outfit

2017, lifestyle, photography, student

Hello,

I’ve been wanting to write this post for a really long time – ever since my last outfit post¬†I knew this is something I wanted to continue and then I picked up this gorgeous yellow, floral playsuit from Primark and I knew I wanted to do an outfit post in it, talking about the size I had to buy it in.

It’s a size 20 – I’ve been putting on weight like a small freight train this year and it’s something I’ve been struggling to cope with. It’s not the first time I’ve bought something in that size – I’m a lover of baggy, over sized clothes anyway – but it’s the first time I’ve felt I’ve really¬†needed that size. And I won’t lie, it hurt.

My weight has always been a sensitive spot for me – as I spoke about in the self confidence post – I can’t remember a time of my life where I didn’t feel like I wanted to be smaller. All through school I was always too tall and I felt like every part of me wobbled. Everyone I seemed to know was someone who was stick thin without trying and could eat whatever they wanted without ever putting on a pound, especially since I spent my whole life dancing I’d get home from school, go to dance and all of my dance friends were the same. They’d prance around like dainty ballerina’s and I was the comic relief elephant in a tutu, or at least that’s how it felt.

Having tried to document healthy eating and fitness routines and whatnot on my blog before, I feel like the phrase ‘the heaviest I’ve ever been’ has been cycled around quite a lot, but it’s also a sign of the massive amount of weight I put on this year.

I started a new Instagram to try and document healthier eating and at the beginning, it worked – I put up videos of the ab challenge I was doing (and gave up on), I was making a conscious effort to eat a lot better and I had time for it all. Now I don’t – I wrote about it all on Instagram last night so I won’t repeat myself here.

I have no problem with buying big clothes – I tend to buy the biggest size I can for comfort anyway and I once bought a 6XL t-shirt just to see how big it would be, but even in my baggy clothes I don’t feel happy. Sitting at my desk right this second I can feel the weight of my stomach and my thighs in my chair and I don’t feel healthy, it genuinely makes me want to cry.

I wanted the conclusion of this blog post to be ‘but look at this photos! I’m happy look at me’ but I have to be honest – I hate all of these photos. Picking out the best ones was so hard because I don’t like any of them, I can pick out flaws in all of them and I really hate them.

The real game changer for me was that when I was chubby in school, I knew how to work angles in photos to be the most flattering they could be and now, I can’t feign skinny from any angle – my tummy shows in every photo and I just hate it.

I feel like I’m fighting against an invisible wall – I can see myself in the distance looking healthier, I know what I have to do to get there but there’s something holding me back. Whether it’s lack of motivation, lack of will power to resist unhealthy food or people putting me down and not supporting the changes I want to make, I sit at my desk feeling like I can’t do it and drowning my sorrows in food.

Slimming World has been brought to my attention recently – I’ve spoken to a few people who’ve done it and I’ve had a few people reach out to me and say that it works in ways they never thought it would but I just don’t know if I’m strong enough to stand up in front of a bunch of strangers and have someone read out my weight. I can’t do it. I just don’t think I can.

Hopefully if I do another outfit post it will be in a happier tone from someone who’s lost weight, but for now I just don’t know. I’m going to work at Reading festival today where I will have no control over what I’m eating, but when I’m back I’m going to try again because that’s all I can do – keep trying.

Thank you for reading,

Sophie xx

I don’t like it but this one does make me laugh, it’s so 2005

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