looking back on 2022

2022, lifestyle

Hello!

As Christmas approaches and the New Year is looming, everyone is sharing their Spotify Wrapped, photo dumps from the year and their achievements of 2022 and whilst sometimes it feels a bit intimidating to be inundated with the most polished highlights of people’s lives, it’s nice to see people being proud of themselves and celebrating lovely things.

I’m not pretentious enough to think I’m any different – I’m sure I’ll do my own wrap up at some stage and I’ve been working on my 1 Second Everyday video all year and I’ll definitely be posting that at some point. But I wanted to do my own little wrap up trying to show both the good and the bad – it’s been a very mixed year but I want to try and keep it real and this is the way I could feel to find the balance between ‘best year ever’ and ‘worst year ever’.

So here are ten good things (interspersed with four less good things) that I did in 2022.

+ got married

Well, I couldn’t start with anything else could I! I honestly can’t help but feel the best ache in my chest when I think about it because my heart is so full – our wedding day was perfect, I have never felt surrounded by so much love in my entire life and I can wholeheartedly say it was the best day of my life. I keep finding myself scrolling through the photos and I’m eagerly anticipating seeing our video next year (trailer here if anyone is interested!). It had to go first on the list – my biggest achievement of the year and, maybe, my life.

+ duolingo

Not quite the same level, but I have been learning French on Duolingo for a whole year! I have a streak of about 350 days and thanks to streak freezes I’ve not lost that streak on days I’ve missed (no, I did not do a lesson on my wedding day) but I’m so proud of the progress I’ve made and I’m still really enjoying learning the language! I’m definitely going to continue this into 2023.

– lost my job

The first negative is the biggest, no doubt (I figured the post would be nicer to read here on out!). It was a huge and unexpected blow that has left me with quite severe trauma, but my boss was an asshole, I have to have faith that karma will come back to bite him in the ass and I’m starting therapy again in the New Year so I can work through this jarring event. Along with working with a career coach who specialises in working with people with ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) and those who are waiting on a diagnosis (me), I’m hoping to really work on my professional confidence and find a job that makes me truly happy next year.

+ hit my reading goal

Back to the positive – I hit my reading goal of 36 books this year! It’s not as much as I read last year, but that’s why I set my goal where it is rather than pushing myself too much. I’m very conscious of making sure reading remains a fun hobby and doesn’t feel like a chore to match the numbers – I started with a goal of 12 books in 2020 (I read 38), 25 books in 2021 (I read 45) and 36 books in 2022; although it’s less than I’ve read before, I’ve read more consistently this year despite everything else. Rather than adding 12 to my goal and aiming for 48 when I’ve never read that much before, my goal for next year is 42 – three and a half books per month! And I have plenty of books to choose from.

+ cricut got me back into my crafting habits

Oh, my beloved cricut. A birthday present from 2021 that I didn’t start using until 2022 because I found it intimidating, but then we crafted lots for the wedding and now I’m obsessed. For Christmas this year we’ve made t-shirts, name place cards for the dining table and our own gift tags (because I forgot to buy any and I’m cheap). But it’s also led me to back to another craft hobby I love – cross stitching. I’ve very much enjoyed in the last week doing some Christmas cross stitch whilst binge watching Teen Wolf Season 6 ahead of the movie releasing in January. I’m definitely going to make the most of the time I have whilst I’m between jobs to find my creativity again because getting back into crafting has been so good for that.

– mental health crisis

Yeah… after a severe panic attack at work in August and another one at home that following weekend, I made a call to the doctors and they suggested trying new meds. After three months of medication that made me feel incredibly nauseous and some of the most stressful life events of my life, I had a really productive conversation with a doctor who recommended doubling the dosage and everything feels so much better now. I don’t want to jinx it, but I don’t feel as nauseous and I’m nowhere near as anxious. I’m definitely in a much better position mentally for the New Year.

+ I was in a dance show!

A nice happy one to change the tone again! I started dance classes again in September 2021 and being in a show in March 2022 was so much fun – I was in two dances, I got sparkly costumes, I got to experience performing again and I absolutely adored it. I’m probably too old for it and I’m not sure all these kids’ parents wanted to see a bunch of adults dancing but I had a fantastic time.

+ weekly savings challenge

I found a challenge in 2019 where each week you save a pound more – so £1, then £2, then £3 etc. I’ve not yet done the last week but I have successfully done 51 weeks of saving for this challenge and I am so proud of myself – not just of achieving this saving goal whilst being unemployed for the last quarter of the year, but for managing my finances to plan ahead for weekly saving – even at the end of the month just before payday! I still find money management difficult as impulse spending when I’m depressed is my go to method of self-sabotage, apparently, but I’m getting better and that’s all I can endeavour to do.

– couldn’t save as much money as I hoped to

On the flip side, I didn’t save as much as I wanted to – the wedding was really difficult to finance and things just didn’t go our way. But when I have an income again, I know that I can be good at savings when I really focus – as detailed above – so we will get there!

+ I wrote 50,000 words for NaNoWriMo

I then wrote about a thousand more words talking about my NaNoWriMo win in a blog post but I just love that I managed to win NaNo for the second time exactly 10 years after the first time I did. It hugely inspired me to get back into creative writing and 2023 will be the year I finish another original novel – I’m putting the energy out into the universe!

+ I lost 2 stone, danced for a whole year and started consistently going to the gym

Amongst all the stress, comfort eating and days where I was too depressed to get out of bed, I actually exercised consistently for the first time since I was a teenager. I started at three dance classes a week, then moved into four in September (three in one night!) as well as going to the gym more, getting a personal trainer and actually starting to enjoy it and all in all, I managed to lose 2 stone.

Ironically, it would have been more if I didn’t have to stop losing weight to make sure my wedding dress fit! But I’m actually excited to get back to a more healthy lifestyle in January – I love vegetables, I love having a routine so exercising regularly will help that and I can’t wait to feel healthier in my body.

– still waiting for an autism diagnosis

The last con of the year – I’m still waiting for my Autism referral consultation that will almost inevitably lead to a diagnosis (words said by my therapist, my career coach and my mum). 2023 will be two years since I was referred and I’m hoping it’ll be the year I get the piece of paper and I can get more support for having accommodations in place both professionally and in my day to day life.

+ bought my first pair of pointe shoes in seven years and feel stronger than ever!

I didn’t think there’d be three dance based achievements but I’m realising that despite not being good enough or fit enough to make dance my career, it’s definitely one of my special interests.

When my ballet friend bought a pair of point shoes and started going to pointe classes, I was easily convinced to join her – in August I bought my first pair of pointe shoes since before I went to uni as a teenager and started in the beginner class. In January, I’m moving up to the intermediate class and my teachers have been so supportive – I’m feeling stronger and I can see the progress I’m making within myself and I can’t wait to see where I am this time next year! Hopefully not with a broken ankle.

+ used my bullet journal (almost) every single day

A nice, relevant, organisational one to end on – it feels like literally yesterday that I started seeing bullet journal update videos on TikTok that convinced me to adapt how I use my journal every day to track habits, record highlights and hold myself accountable! I’ve thoroughly enjoyed spending five minutes at the end of each day with my coloured pens, holding myself accountable to the daily habits I want to maintain and documenting one positive every single day. I’ve just finished making my 2023 spreads and I’m so excited to continue adapting my journal to best support what I need next year.

2022 has been an absolutely rollercoaster and I’m hoping to slow things down in 2023 – to feel less rushed, put less pressure on myself and be more intentional with my time. But that’s all well and good until life happens isn’t it? I’m working on my reactions to stressful situations to be less panicked and more thoughtful.

I hope you have a wonderful Christmas and New Year period! I’ve literally just finished writing my 2023 goals and I’m feeling really good about them, so I’ll be back in the New Year to ramble all about them!

Thank you for reading,

Sophie xx

why I took a month off / 2022 plans

2021, writing

Hello! It’s been a while!

My last post was December 5th – not even a month ago – but it’s the longest I’ve gone without posting in what feels like a very long time!

I’d love to give a long old reason as to why I haven’t written anything, but it’s just a case that work got on top of me, everything got a bit much and I had to prioritise getting through each day – I was out of ideas and absolutely couldn’t bring myself to write. I did not look at my computer when I wasn’t working.

But on Boxing Day I spent literally hours working on my new goals for 2022 and my bullet journal (it sounds tedious, but I had a fantastic time with all my pens – so relaxing!) and I feel so ready to get into some new routines and working on the things I’ve really decided to prioritise this year. I’m really excited about my goals for this year and I can’t wait for January 1st!

One of the things I wanted to make room to prioritise was this little blog of mine – I maintained two posts a week for much longer than I anticipated, but I think it just makes sense to go back down to one because I do have a full time job and I don’t have a lot of mental space for anything else so I needed to figure out how I was going to complete the goals I want to complete without filling up all my time and not having enough time to relax.

Another thing that I think will help is having more structure in what I blog about – my favourite posts to write are my monthly goals and my book related posts, so my first post of the month will always be my goals and my last post of the month will be a round up of the books I’ve read and listened to. Who knows what I’ll write in between but with a wedding coming up and lots of thoughts about finances, savings and house deposits maybe I’ll write more about that, but who knows? My blog has always been somewhere that I write about whatever I want to, almost more like a diary – whether it’s film reviews, some fun photos, a favourites list; anything. And I intend to keep it that way!

And that’s what I have to say – I didn’t mean to take so long off, I didn’t mean to have a break but I’m coming back and I’m coming back strong!

I’m going to much more mindful in 2022 not about what I ‘should’ be doing and how much I can squeeze in to every waking moment, but how much I am actually capable of doing and giving myself the space to recover without burning out quite so much.

2021 has been a rollercoaster and I know I’m incredibly fortunate to come out of it relatively unscathed, but I’ve learnt a lot about myself this year and I want to continue that journey of growth in 2022.

(and that might be the most pretentious thing I’ve ever said!)

Happy New Year everyone! 2022 feels like it’s going to be big – I feel like I have room to grow in my career, I’m excited about some personal projects I have planned and I’m getting married!

Thank you for reading,

Sophie xx

new (school) year, new start

2020, student

Hello!

The end of summer and September is my favourite time of year – I feel like there’s a certain type of person who’s favourite month is September and it’s either:

People who enjoy school (whether it’s educationally or socially)
People who love stationary and buying a new pencil case is very exciting.
People whose birthday is in September

I am all three – I’m pretty sure everyone has a soft spot for their birthday month in the same way that December is always exciting because of Christmas, I am somewhat of a stationary nerd (though I’ve been on a pencil case and pen spending ban for, like, years and I still have so many) and my birthday is September; the full trifecta!

For so long, the start of the new academic year is more impactful than the New Year – 14 years (minimum) of new school uniform, new stationary, new shoes, seeing your friends every day after 6 weeks of not being able to meet up because everyone’s on holiday at different times, a new planner, a new timetable! I’m getting excited just thinking about it and I’ve not had a new planner for six years!

This year I feel a bit different – this is the second time I’ve not been going back into education in September since I was a toddler and even then it’s still a bit strange because my masters dissertation deadline is at the end of October so I’m still somewhat in education and having been at home for the last 23 weeks (not that I’m counting) the whole ‘new school year’ feels so much less significant this year.

But outside of school, using September as an excuse to have a fresh start is an opportunity that I think many of us will be taking this year! Any time is a good time for a fresh start whether it’s a Monday, a new month, any time but sometimes it takes these markers to feel like we have the opportunity to put something into practise. Hence why I love setting my monthly goals!

Maybe it’s because I’m still working on my masters dissertation which should have been nearly ready to hand in but now the deadline is six weeks later – I do feel like November is going to be my ‘fresh start’ because I’ll be officially done with education (though I said that after my undergraduate degree and here I am… but I mean it this time!).

New starts and this time of year can always feel exciting and nerve wracking and both significant and vastly insignificant simultaneously – for some getting out of the habit of feeling like a new school year is easy because they leap straight into a full time ‘grown up’ job, for some it’s nice to have that time of year as a little mental shift and for others it’s just another month.

As per, I think I’m making a much bigger deal out of something that’s not that big! A new month always makes me feel a little bit excited – like I can reset and refresh a little, but then suddenly it’s the 25th of the month and time feels like it’s going too fast and I can’t hang on to the present for long enough to enjoy it.

Today was a day I just needed to have a little ramble! I consider my corner of the internet to be a personal space for expressing what’s going on in my life – whether it’s new exciting things like moving house or reading a new book, less exciting things like navigating my mental health in a pandemic or things as trivial as an outfit I enjoyed wearing or a place I went on holiday! I love having my little space and a time capsule of who I was at so many different points in my life.

2020 is a weird ass year, we can only hope that 2021 gives us a bit of a break!

Thank you for reading – I hope you and your loved ones are happy, healthy and staying safe!

Sophie xx

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approaching New Year | diary 10

2019, lifestyle, writing

Hello!

Doing these little diary posts once a month really reminds me what blogging is all about and where it all began – a web log, a recount of goings-on and a log of activities. The priority on my little corner of the internet will always be having something that I can look back on and 1) be proud of and 2) serve as a little reminder of who I was when I posted, even if that’s not who I am now.

And writing rambly blog posts that all come out in one go are my favourite and I think they’re the nicest ones to look back on!

So today I wanted to talk about how the end of the year is fast approaching – it feels like my entire Instagram and Twitter feeds are either full of Christmas or ‘it’s the end of the decade, have you achieved anything, get off your ass and do something‘ and personally I feel attacked (note the sarcasm).

But for real, it’s very intense and makes me think I haven’t achieved anything but at the turn of the last decade I was 13 – I’m a completely different person to who I was at 13 and that’s definitely for the better. I’ve finished my GCSEs, finished my A Levels, finished my undergraduate degree, finished a post-graduate certificate and I’m now studying a masters that I’ll finish in September next year – I’m starting the next decade as a masters student and hopefully that’ll be the beginning of a much more exciting decade full of learning but not in an institution that racks up my debt any further than it already is.

Outside of academic achievements, I’ve been on two charity expeditions to Tanzania and Ecuador, each for a month for the most amazing, terrifying and life-changing experiences. I’ve moved across country and met people that are going to be friends for the rest of my life. I lost friends that I thought I’d have for the rest of my life (but that’s just how the world works).

I met the love of my life. I’m a proper renting adult with proper bills and a car to pay for. I learnt to drive! As soon as the list begins you realise that 10 years is a long ass time and so much can happen in that time.

With that in mind I shunned the pressures of the internet and thought about the here and now – how do I feel going into the New Year?

Generally, the signposts of the passing of time scare me – I like routine, I like consistency and whilst I consider myself someone who adapts to change quite well, I’m definitely working on being someone who embraces and enjoys change. There were several New Year’s Eve’s as a teenager where I’d silently cry in my room as Big Ben rung over to the New Year and I couldn’t stop thinking that ‘this year’s going to be worse than last year’ and ‘I won’t be any happier next New Year’ so I’m grateful that I’m no longer trapped feeling that sad and lonely. But the New Year still scares me a little bit.

So I try to focus on the things that I enjoy – as I detailed in my last post, I love organisation, goals and planning so January is going to be almost exclusively resolutions, yearly goals, goals reviews and the likes! I’m actually really excited about that because 2019 started in a very different frame of mind and my goals reflected that so I feel more prepared to make my goals for the next year.

In a typical ‘I’m a student mindset’ I can’t really focus too much on the New Year or Christmas because I have about a million deadlines (five) to hand in before that and they’re big and stressful, but after that I’ve got a few shifts at work, Christmas, New Year with my family, then three weeks of working at much as possible before it all begins again with semester 2.

Generally, the New Year is a good time for me – it’s another chance at a fresh start and new goals and resetting. That’s what I’m trying to focus on.

Thank you so much for reading,

Sophie xx

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a lovely family Christmas 🎄

2018, lifestyle

Hello!

First off, I hope everyone had a lovely Christmas day filled with the best people and infinite food!

I just wanted to write a quick little post on a pleasant boxing day (with The Greatest Showman in the background, might I add) just to have a little ramble about what a lovely Christmas I had with my family.

Maybe it sounds vein or spoilt or whatever but as a kid, Christmas was all about the big Mr C and the presents but thinking back at it now? My strongest memories are of the times with family – I don’t remember the presents (other than the year I got my first laptop, that meant a lot) because it was always about having my closest family there and spending time with them.

Ever since my nan passed away last year, my family have been closer than ever – it’s the best thing that came out of 2017 for me and this Christmas was just perfect. There was laughter and chatting and games and a pub quiz and we almost entirely forgot to take pictures but we got some great family photos in between phone calls from Sri Lanka, China and just down the road from my cousin’s family!

When I went to bed last night, I’ve not felt so grateful or content for such a long time – so grateful that I had such a caring family, grateful that they gave such thoughtful gifts when they really didn’t have to and grateful to have that day to celebrate with them.

At the end of the day, my family have been there for me through everything – friends come and go but I will always have my family and valuing people and experiences over belongings and ‘stuff’.

Towards the end of 2018 I decided there was a lot of clutter in my life – mostly in my bedroom and various rooms around the house. So I decided I only wanted to keep the belongings that have a purpose or a use, except the sentimental stuff – my photo albums and scrapbook are such important memories that I want to keep forever and build on for my family, 80 years down the line.

Christmas and New Year are an incredibly sentimental time of year – I get very reflective and think a lot about what’s changed, particularly who I’ve got in my life. I’ve got wonderful friends, a supportive family and an amazing relationship and 2019 is going to be a big year.

I hope you all have wonderful holidays surrounded by people you love, looking forward to the New Year!

Thank you so much for reading,

Sophie xx

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“under pressure” – why I disappeared from the internet

2017, lifestyle, student

Hello!

When I started this blog (over three years ago now, wow) I knew it would be a fairly big ask – I was in my last year of sixth form, I was applying for uni, I was already making YouTube videos once a week. But I didn’t make a big deal – it was somewhat unfamiliar territory so I didn’t make a big deal about pushing myself. Between September and December 2014 I wrote 8 posts.

In the new year of 2015 I started what I called the ‘365 Pages’ project, where I wrote a blog post every day for a year with each post being ‘Page 1 of 365’ and so on. I didn’t actually write a blog post every day – there were a couple of days I missed and I actually went away on an charity work expedition to Ecuador for four weeks and managed to pre-write over 30 blog posts and schedule 9 or 10 videos too (I’m still very proud of this, don’t know if you can tell).

So as my blog has gone on I’ve piled on the expectations of myself. It’s really not unusual for me to ask too much for myself. As the year of blogging ended, I decided I wasn’t going to have a schedule – I was going to have lots of ideas and write fairly regularly?

Yeah, no.

That didn’t happen so I planned a schedule – I think I uploaded three times a week and then I didn’t do that anymore. I don’t remember how my blog schedule changed between the end of 2016 and the entirety of 2017 but by September this year I just stopped. Third year began and blogging and making videos and basically everything else (like my diet and mental health, lol) took a massive backseat.

Third year has been really intense – in the 12 or 13 weeks that made up my first semester (I lost track, to be honest) I had 11 deadlines, pretty much one a week, I didn’t have time to do anything like cook myself food, I was in university 40+ hours a week every week, alongside running a society and rehearsing for a drama and performance showcase and trying to maintain friendships and a relationship and it was a lot.

Following the final result of my second year, I was driven for third year – I’d done the maths, I knew exactly what I needed to do to get the grade I wanted from my last year of university (so far). But that made me very stressed when suddenly I was faced with the reality of actually working at that level.

I don’t know if I’m writing really ominously or pretentiously or if I’m just not making sense at all, but not all the pressure came from myself. Third year is intense – obviously, it’s my last year of uni so it’s meant to be challenging and I thought I was ready but clearly not.

Maybe by asking myself to do as much as I can for third year, writing for my blog, making YouTube videos, running a society, being part of a performance society and having a job was putting too much pressure on myself? I was made redundant at the end of November so that’s one thing off the list and I’ve taken a step back from drama and performance until after Christmas. Sonar Film has been manic and I want to sit and have a day focusing on that over the holidays and I’m slowly working my way through uni stuff.

Writing all of this out really helps me, which is partially why I love writing on my blog and why I’m determined to get back into blogging and YouTube.

I’m someone who thrives on routines – writing and making videos as and when ‘I feel like it’ doesn’t work for me at all because I’m not someone who gets inspired to write things as and when. So I’ve planned a new routine.

I have so many blog post ideas and I’m going to write as much as I can before I go back to uni properly at the end of January and I’m excited about it.

My aim for my blog and my Youtube channel is to take the pressure off a little bit – so that I have time to do it around my uni work but enjoy it as a welcome break from my degree. I don’t need anything else to be stressed about!

If you have any tips for maintaining a blog and a million other commitments do leave me a comment, I need all the help I can get!

Thank you for reading,

Sophie xx