there’s no songs about turning 24

2020, lifestyle

Hello!

Two years ago, it was 22 by Taylor Swift, one year ago it was What’s My Age Again by Blink-182 as I was reminded that no one likes you when you’re 23 (I beg to differ) – what’s meant to be my anthem this year? Have I officially entered the realm of boring ages because I’m too old to have a song?

(Have I spent too long on tiktok and now I’m writing in a really melodramatic storytelling method with a fancy accent in my head?)

It was my birthday! 24 years ago today the traumatic event that was my birth (emergency C-section crew, always a drama queen) happened to my parents and nothing has been the same ever since.

And my birthday is September 11th… 9/11… Take from that what you will.

In the past I’ve made videos and written posts about things I’ve achieved in my years and what I hope to achieve in my next rotation around the sun but this year, I don’t really have anything to add – 23 has been a weird one, because I don’t feel like I’ve achieved anything particularly significant but it’s definitely been a year of change.

My friendships has definitely been the thing that stands out to me – just a week after my birthday in 2019 I met four girls on my masters course that made me feel like I was in an American high school romcom and I had the ride or die friends that I could turn to for literally anything. The worst thing about lockdown was not being able to see them multiple times a week. Then during lockdown I got to meet some of the people my boyfriend works with and now I actually have friends in the town I live in! They’re the sweetest people I’ve ever met, I don’t know if it’s lockdown or if we just get on really really well but I feel like I’ve known them so much longer than just a couple of months and I’m so grateful for them. I actually have people that I love and I know that they love me too and I can rely on them and trust them. And I don’t mean to say I didn’t have friends that I love, rely on and trust before I turned 23, but this was the year of meeting a surprising amount of amazing people – I feel like I have the best support network with everything from my oldest childhood friend from when we were 6, from my undergraduate degree to the family I grew up with – I feel more supported and loved that I ever have before and I’m incredibly grateful.

I have no idea what 24 will bring – I thought 22 would be the beginning of my career and that didn’t happen so I’m trying not to have too many expectations from this year.

When you’re a kid, I think you think that by 24 you’ll know what you’re doing – you’ll have a place, maybe with friends, maybe with a partner, a job, a car, maybe a pet, the freedom of socialising whenever you want, money, travelling! The future seemed so open and freeing, things like school and exams and fake friends and having to spend at least 30 minutes on public transport to get anywhere are the things I longed to get away from.

Going back even 10 years, I don’t know what my 14 year old self would think of me. With mental health problems and generally just being a bit weird, I’ve never been able to picture myself growing older – not in a job, with a person, even things like wanting kids but I just can’t imagine what my life would be like with them – I don’t know if I ever really thought I’d get this far. I still can’t picture the future – turning 30 or 40 or having children or taking them to school or being employed all feel so far from my reach; even getting married and wearing the white dress and walking down the aisle doesn’t feel real, and that’s one I’m actually planning!

Life is weird, the future is weird, time flies and age is just a number. Everyone’s journey is different and we all get there at different times – 14 year old me never would have thought I’d have (nearly) three degrees, a nearly 5-year relationship (with someone who is significantly taller than me!) and be brave enough to shave my head, but she’d also wonder how I let myself put on so much weight, why I haven’t started a career yet and how my mental health could be so much worse.

But I’m working on not being disappointed in where I am – everyone has good days and bad days; some days I’m so proud of how far I’ve come and what I’ve achieved and other days I  I’m getting cross because finishing my masters is becoming a daily battle with my own brain and productivity.

Conclusion? I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing. But what getting older has taught me so far is that no one does! And accepting what I don’t know and being prepared to learn is always going to be one of the greatest assets I have.

24 is going to be interesting. But for now, I’ve got a whole weekend off with the love of my life and I’m going to let myself relax and be spoiled. I’ll save the existentialism for another day!

Thank you for reading – I hope you and your loved ones are happy, healthy and staying safe!

Sophie xx

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happiness = productivity?

2018, lifestyle

Hello!

I feel like it’s a huge part of today’s society, everything is about productivity and getting stuff done – being successful is a measure of how regulated your sleep schedule is, how on top of your work out routine you are and how many things you got done that day.

It’s gotten to a point where if I’m not out of bed by 8am I struggle to feel motivated to do anything and I’m not sure how it got to this point because I’m pretty sure it used to be cool to sleep till the afternoon and not do uni or school work.

Personally I find it so much harder to be content and motivated when I know there’s a list building up of stuff that I’ve been writing down for a few days – there’s only so many times I can write ‘apply for a job’ before it becomes utterly soul destroying to actually do it.

I don’t know where the pressure is coming from, who I feel judged by or where this all began but I really hate that my productivity is directly equal to my happiness on a day to day basis and let’s be real, there’s no pressure from anyone or any kind of society, it’s just me beating myself up and I need to come up with some methods to stop… doing… that?

Step 1 – don’t be a dick. I mean, that’s generally good life advice but I need to stop telling myself I’m not good enough! Because it escalates very quickly from ‘I didn’t apply for a job today’ to ‘I have no skills and don’t deserve a job anyway’ and I’d like to think that’s not true.

But you know, step 1 is pretty difficult when it’s quite deeply ingrained in your brain. But what can I say, I’ve acknowledged the problem and I know roughly where to start. I think that’s progress?

Step 2 – figure out why I’m not productive and adapt my to do lists accordingly. But that’s not really addressing the problem of my productivity being related to my happiness.

Step 3 – it sounds too simple but just let it go. Let the list go, no pressure to do more than I’m capable of – work on relaxing even if I didn’t quite get everything done and enjoy an evening of not squeezing in more work and doing whatever it is I’m doing below average anyway.

Step 4 – I don’t even know anymore, I’m rambling for the sake of rambling.

It gets to this point in a blog post where sometimes I’ll doubt whether I really want to publish it – am I making a point or am I complaining about something that no one else really cares about? But I think it’s defying thoughts like that are important – this is something I’ve been thinking about for a while and I want to share!

I think there’s a lot of pressure in our generation on the internet that you’ve always got to be doing something, making something, working towards something and we all know that the internet can be a pretty toxic place. But defying these things that we’ve been conditioned to feel is the best way to combat it.

Today hasn’t been a productive day, but I had a really lovely afternoon working on my scrapbook and that doesn’t make how I spent my day any less valid.

Thank you for reading,

Sophie xx

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15 things that make me happy

2017, lifestyle, music, student

Hello!

A lot of my posts recently have been a bit mopey, so I thought I’d write a post that focuses on a much more positive outlook! Not tips or advice or any talk of mental health, just fifteen simple things that bring me joy!

Some require more detail than others – some need no explanation but others I’d like to give a little bit more detail to. This post is as much for me as it is for my blog, so I hope you enjoy it.

  1. Long drives with my mum
  2. Listening to music with really good headphones on – my Apple headphones really loud are great, but really high quality headphones in a quiet room where you can hear literally every line of the songs; love it
  3. Lindor chocolate
  4. When things are organised and tidy – ironic considering the state of my bedroom and desk but when everything is in it’s place my brain feels just that little bit happier
  5. Seeing live music – my favourite bands concert, a local band performing in a cafe, even a decent busker – live music that show’s real talent just makes me happy
  6. The sea – I don’t know if it was growing up so far from the sea, but being near the sea and hearing the sound of the waves and watching the water ripple calms me down a lot
  7. Coloured pens – I’m basically like a child, colours make me happy
  8. Wearing a dress and feeling really cute
  9. When you’re having such a good time with friends and you don’t notice the time until it’s 3am
  10. Having everything on my to do list ticked off
  11. The woods and open fields – the complete opposite to why I love the sea, but fields and trees and woodland areas remind me of home and I would love to act a scene in a wood, I’ll write it into a book one day
  12. Getting a good grade on something I worked really hard on – the nerd in me just loves doing well, but getting a first on any assignment feels like I’ve actually done well
  13. Creating, in any form – writing, video, blogging, photography, fiction, I just want to make things
  14. Being able to just dance in an open, empty dance studio
  15. Looking back at old photos – I’m a very nostalgic person

I could have gone on and listed more, but I didn’t want to overdo it – when I started this list I struggled a bit but the more I got into it the more and more I listed and the more I thought of. Even if you don’t have a blog I thoroughly recommend making a list like this because it really makes you appreciate the littler things – things that make you happy doesn’t have to be a person or a big event, little things like feeling good about how you look or having a nice selection of pens.

I hope you’re feeling happy and you’re having a good day! Thank you for reading,

Sophie xx

 

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Happiness Planner – 4 month update!

2016, lifestyle

Hello!

This whole concept feels like a really shitty pregnancy update. But it’s okay because I’m not pregnant and I get to update you on my stationery habits.

Having used my Happiness Planner for 4 months now (check the blog post here talking all about when I got it!), I’ve got a good feel of what the book is like now.

img_3057I’ve been through phases of remembering to fill it in then weeks at a time where I just didn’t fill it in because I forgot or I was busy or I was tired. I kept getting really frustrated because considering how expensive it was and how I want to keep it as a memory so I want to have decent memories to relive!

But I’ve now put it in my boyfriend’s bedroom so I can fill it in every night before we go to sleep. So I’ve been remembering to fill it in every night for a few weeks and it’s making me happy and more organised!

I find it really useful – it makes me focus on something in particular and it makes me think about the six things I want to get done the next day, six things is such an achievable number, especially when I put ‘go to uni’ on that list.

It also pushes me to find something positive in every day, even if a day is majoritively negative it makes me find something happy that I did in each day, even if it was that I had a long cuddle with my boyfriend or I enjoyed the walk to uni.

It also makes me hyper aware of when I’ve had bad days, it really makes me realise  when I struggle to find something that’s made me happy and if I’m going through a down period, which is both a good and a bad thing because I can monitor my mood more but it can be even more depressing to notice these trends.

img_3058But primarily, The Happiness Planner makes me feel way more organised which in turn makes me feel so much happier!

I’m working on being happy and cutting the people and things that make me sad out of my life and the planner is helping me to do this a lot and I can’t wait for the next eight months of using it.

If you enjoyed this post or want another update, please let me know in the comments!

Thank you for reading,

Sophie xx

 

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