feeling body neutral in a world of ‘# body positivity’

2020, fashion, mental health

Hello!

We all know that loving the body you live in when we see numerous other bodies of all shapes and sizes all over our social media every day isn’t easy – ‘is this what normal looks like?’, ‘should I look more like her?’, or even ‘everything would be easier if I looked like that’.

Whilst it’s easy to say we shouldn’t think that and we should love our body however it looks, it’s never that simple, is it?

Body positivity is fantastic but wow it can be super intimidating if you’re coming from a place of years of self hatred and insecurity!

A YouTuber and influencer I’ve been following for a few years, Lucy Moon, used the phrase ‘body neutral’ on her instagram once (probably a few times) and it made me feel immediately at peace – stay with me, I know it sounds melodramatic – it just made me feel like I wasn’t fighting for this ‘glorious’ positivity that I felt like I had to feel. It gave me a phrase that I could look to that meant I could work towards feeling more comfortable in my own skin without having to love and adore everything I’ve spent so long trying to change.

Feeling body neutral can be a step towards body positivity – maybe one day I’ll love my body for everything it is, but right now I don’t hate living in it and that’s enough. It takes time to break down those mental barriers and feeling body neutral is such an inclusive step towards that. But even being body neutral is enough. As long as you’re not hurting anybody – including yourself – you don’t have to love every part of you.

My relationship with my body has completely changed in the past couple of months – I went from hating every ounce of my body to the extent that in the past I’ve had to cover up mirrors because I just couldn’t bear my own reflection to being comfortable (most days!) in my own skin. Strangely, what changed that was wearing a motion capture suit in front of my masters class.

I’d thought about volunteering to be the motion capture subject ever since I found out we were doing motion capture – the thought of pirouetting and dancing around the studio and making something creative out of it was super fun. But I hadn’t connected that wearing the motion capture suit meant showing every single lump and bump I had to a group of people I’ve realistically only known for a few months.

I volunteered, the realisation hit me, I had a minor internal panic, then I did it anyway because I was having a ‘brave day’ and sometimes you have to push yourself to do things you don’t want to do. I went to put on the suit and I was mildly mortified and then when I walked into the room… no one cared! There were no side glances, no one was violently sick and my best gals even made me feel good.

Then we learnt all about the mocap software and I danced and pranced around the room with a power ranger esqe version of me on the screen and it was a super fun afternoon. Then I pushed myself even more and went on a night out that evening (for my anxiety, that was a big deal) – and I put on a playsuit I’ve had since for five years and it still fit (granted it was a different fit but I felt amazing!) and I wore my new docs and I felt on top of the world with my best mates by my side cheering me on.

Some weirdo jiggled my wobbly arm in a nightclub and I wasn’t phased? Mostly concerned as to why a human would touch another human they don’t know that way but I flipped him off and danced the night away!

And since then, I’ve felt exactly that – body neutral. There’s still the odd day where I’ll touch my belly fat and think I’d quite like to just slice it all away, but then I get over it and my boyfriend tells me he thinks I’m sexy and I’m like you know what? I don’t feel sexy but I am gosh darn adorable.

Body neutrality gave me the space to be okay with my body without loving or hating it and if you’re having a tough time right now – don’t push yourself to feel any particular way about your body. Try not to spend time overanalysing or scrutinising – where clothes that make you feel nice, surround yourself with people that make you feel fabulous and if following ‘body positive’ people online makes you feel pressure to love yourself when you don’t, click unfollow.

Thank you so much for reading,

Sophie xx

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wear it all February | sustainable clothing challenge

2020, fashion, goals, sustainability

Hello!

My relationship with fashion has always been a bit strange – between owning a hundred t-shirts, enjoying a bit of ‘fast fashion’ before the phrase existed and now trying to re-establish what I actually consider my ‘style’ and approach to fashion.

Last summer, someone I follow on Instagram did a challenge called ‘wear it all July’ – she only allowed herself to wear everything in her wardrobe once and it forced her to try new things with her clothes and really highlighted the clothes she kept avoiding that she didn’t want to wear them. I’d thought about trying it for a while but the last few months have been hectic and now is the first chance I’ve had to do it.

So I’m doing ‘wear it all February’ – a challenge where I only wear the items in my wardrobe once. Obviously I’m not including any underwear, pyjamas, workout gear or shoes (I definitely don’t have enough) and my plan is to rewear clothes only if I run out in that ‘category’. For example, I know I don’t have enough trousers to get my through the month but I’m already incorporating more dresses into my outfits than I’ve worn in a very long time.

I’m finding taking this approach makes choosing what to wear more thoughtful than ‘jeans and a cosy knit’. I’m looking at my wardrobe in a whole new way and it’s going to help me see more of what I’ve got, especially when I’m down to the last few days at the end of the month.

Currently, the way I’m organising my clothes is that once I’ve worn them, I’ll either put them in the wash if they need washing or fold them up in the bottom of my wardrobe to redistribute next month when I reintegrate all my clothes back into the wardrobe. And as more clothes go into the pile at the bottom of the wardrobe I’ll be able to literally see the clothes I don’t wear very often more clearly.

Not only is this going to stop me buying new clothes, I think it’ll give a new lise of life to clothes I already have and remind me why I loved them in the first place. I’m loving finding a new approach to fashion – looking in charity shops, watching videos of people upcycling some of their clothes and having the same clothes for years and years sounds like something I should have always been doing. Consumerism, the business of fast fashion and the short-term gratification of shiny new things is hard to unlearn!

But this month that is my intention. I haven’t been taking outfit photos so far (because I forgot on day one and didn’t see the point in continuing at that point). I’m definitely going to write another post at the end of this month talking about how it went but if you have any questions or ideas about the ‘wear it all challenge’ then please let me know!

Thank you so much for reading,

Sophie xx

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what I want – Autumn lust list

2019, fashion, lifestyle

Hello!

The internet is the place for hauls right? YouTube hauls, blog hauls, Instagram hauls, even Twitter hauls are a thing but today I’m going to flip it – rather than stuff I’ve bought, here’s a list of stuff I want to buy.

(I’m fully aware this isn’t an original idea, just thought it would be fun!)

Lucy and Yak dungarees – I think every blogger under the sun has seen someone on Instagram wearing Lucy and Yak dungarees. The pair I’ve linked are the glorious rainbow stripe dungarees that are unfortunately sold out, but there’s rainbow trousers that I’m kind of obsessed with, these mid-wash denim dungas that look super comfy and these bluey-purple striped dungas to make up for it! I’m massively exploring my relationship with clothes I’ve never thought ‘suited me’ and incorporating bold patterns into my wardrobe and whilst I’ve had my eye on these for a while, I just can’t justify the price. Maybe further along the line when I’ve got something to reward myself for but right now where I’m focusing on sustainable fashion and getting lots of wear out of the clothes I’ve got, Lucy and Yak are staying on my Lust List.

Dr Martens – yes I already have a pair… no I don’t have a black fur-lined pair so obviously I need them. The choice is between the fur-lined Chelsea boots, the fur-lined traditional boots or… just a pair of black Docs. I love how these look when styled – how they can make a really feminine outfit look a bit more edgy (or am I just a nerd trying to look ‘edgy’?). I’ve worn my maroon pair so much and I can’t wait to get back into styling them in the winter months, maybe this is the year for another pair…?

& Other Stories sweater – this one is new to the Lust List – I saw Rhiannon Ashley wearing this on her Instagram a few days ago and fell in love with it. Then she shared the link and I saw the price tag and suddenly it became infinitely less appealing, but still looked so soft and comfy – it’s the combination of cosy Autumnal knitwear and easy to throw on hoodie that gets me. The £75 price tag is a massive negative for me and brands like ‘& Other Stories’ don’t tend to cater to a plus sized audience so their L (because obviously they have an XS but not an XL) is probably a size 12, maybe 14 at a push and making girls everywhere feel ‘large’ and inconvenient for being an average (below average) size.

Can you tell I’m passionate about these matters?

Still really like the sweater though.

Space necklace from Eclectic Eccentricity – I first heard about this brand from Hannah Witton in one of her favourites videos – she showed me space jewellery and I’ve been thinking about it ever since. This gorgeous necklace captures everything I love about cutesy moon drawings and delicate, subtle silver necklaces and pairs them together in a lovely £38 bundle. If Santa’s listening, it’s on my Christmas list (is it still too soon for the C word?).

Pajamei Slippers – maybe a little bit niche but here we go – the only video game I really play is a franchise called Overwatch. One of the characters in this game is an ice queen better than Elsa – Mei is an environmental scientist who’s the only surviving member of her team when she wakes up in a cryo-chamber. One of her skins (‘outfit’ in video game terminology) is a chilled out skin called Paja-Mei (I love it so much). I really wanted to cosplay this outfit at MCM Comic Con next year but I think the jumper and potentially the PJ bottoms have been discontinued, that doesn’t stop me from wanting these slippers more than anything. Again, I think they’ve sold out because there’s no size options left but a girl can live in hope.

And those are the items I can’t stop thinking about – a lot of these items are much more pricy than I would ever spend on clothes/things to wear usually. If I did buy them they would be special treat purchases for sure but when I weigh up these things against the amount of clothes I could buy in Primark or the pens I could buy on Amazon, quantity usually wins but hey! We’ll see what happens in the long run.

What are the ‘luxe’ items that you yearn for but can’t bring yourself to buy? Any brands that I should be looking at for plus sized clothing? Let me know!

Thank you so much for reading,

Sophie xx

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a taste of Autumn… | outfit

2019, fashion, photography

Hello!

This week has been a whirlwind – my boyfriend and I were all geared up to move across country on Friday, then the day before my birthday we were told (with three days to go) that we can’t move in yet, then it was my birthday, then we went to go see a Pointless recording and now we’re in the area we’re moving to because we still need to be here even though we have nowhere to live so we’re hotel hopping!

That was a long sentence, wasn’t it?

Regardless of all the crap going on around it, I had a wonderful birthday – a lovely chilled out day with my favourite person and he took me to a lovely local spot called Rutland Water and I went a bit mad on Huji so I thought I’d share some of the pictures!

Views like this make me so happy – I love water, I love the sound and watching the waves ripple against the tide. I could have sat there all afternoon if it wasn’t quite so windy!

Look at my favourite boy 💜

We got very comfy on that bench – a nice cuddle, a little bit of tattoo picture placement, I could just about smell salty water in the air and we thoroughly enjoyed watching the ducks swim against the tide.

This is legitimately one of my new favourite pictures and I couldn’t not include it!

This is the closest I get to being a brave adventurer – I love pretending I’m this cool exciting person that traverses rocks with ease but really I was very cautious and didn’t really trust anything I stood on. But I tried!

Then my boyfriend took cute pictures – I love this outfit so much. These dungarees make me feel like a toddler and it was my birthday and I was near water with my favourite person hence the expression of joy that literally made me throw my hands up in the air.

And here’s the outfit – the key thing for me as it gets colder is layers. I’m not big on ‘summer/winter wardrobes’ because I just wear the same clothes year round with different layers. So this kind of outfit is pretty staple for me!

Starting from the bottom – the trainers are Primark (and surprisingly comfy, thoroughly recommend), the dungarees are this seasons Primark (thin but comfy and look good with the legs rolled down too), the stripy tee is a Primark basic (that almost certainly cost me less than £2) and the cardigan is from my mum’s wardrobe. It’s one of those things that I borrowed once and then I said ‘mum have you ever worn this’ and she said ‘no you can have it’, which is the best response to be honest.

Dungarees, pinafores and some other items of clothing have been the kind of looks I’ve wanted to wear for so long but I’ve always been put off because I didn’t think they’d flatter me. But last year I bit the bullet and bought a pinafore which I love and I actually feel really cute in and this year it’s dungarees! These ones are actually too big for me but I’m a tall person with quite the tummy so getting dunga’s that fit is a mission, but these will do for now!

What is your favourite thing to wear in Autumn? I’m currently resisting all the knitwear in shops but I’m excited to get mine out when we finally move!

Thank you so much for reading,

Sophie xx

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you know what? I feel like me! | outfit

2019, fashion

Hello!

Like most women, I’ve been on a rollercoaster of an emotional journey with the relationship I have with my body – but this last year has seen some real highs and lows.

I’ve not really taken my weight loss that seriously for a few months now – I was exercising then I got hot, then I got stressed so worrying about what I was eating wasn’t something I had enough mental energy to prioritise so right now, I have no idea what I weigh or anything.

But you know what? Sometimes I catch myself in a mirror or a reflection and I feel more like me than I’ve felt in a very long time. Maybe I’m stress losing weight but god knows I’ve been stress eating to no end, either way – I’ve got to a point where I don’t actually care. I like my clothes, I don’t hate how I look on them and I’m enjoying my afternoon ice cream more than ever!

It doesn’t mean that I’m going to stop trying to make healthier choices – I still want to lose weight and inevitably I want to be thinner and stronger but I’m also not too bothered if I stay how I am now (especially with winter and jumper season coming back in sooner rather than later!).

It’s a weird feeling because I know that it probably won’t last and I’ll be doing everything I can to loose weight again soon but sometimes you just have to make the most of the feeling in the moment! And this outfit made me feel good so I thought I’d share.

The jeans are from my mum’s wardrobe because I can’t afford to replace mine at the moment, the shirt is from New look last year and the cardigan is also from my mum’s wardrobe because I wanted a thin cardigan and she never wears it. All in all, a half hearted outfit post because apparently I just dress from my mum’s wardrobe (sorry mum!) but I still really enjoy this outfit!

In the next month or so my boyfriend and I will be moving to start the next chapter of our lives together (that sounds much more melodramatic than it actually is) – I’ve been slowly decluttering my clothes for the best part of two years, slowly refining and figuring out what I want from my clothes and I’m really excited to have a little more expendable income to start building up on some more staple items. I’m really feeling like I need a floaty dress and a fun skirt in my wardrobe!

Fashion is so much fun and it so often gets paired with body positivity because so much of mainstream media can’t help but only include a certain type of person in any kind of clothes. Body positivity is so much more than the clothes we do or don’t wear – it’s how we feel when we’re standing looking in the mirror before we get in the shower, it’s how we feel when we see group pictures that we’re in, it’s how we feel about ourselves.

There’s a long way to go with body positivity in the media and there’s a long way to go with my personal journey with body positivity but we’re getting there and I like my stripy shirt!

Thank you so much for reading,

Sophie xx

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one month since I shaved my head

2019, fashion, lifestyle

Hello!

July 23rd marks one calendar month since I braved the shave for Macmillan Cancer Support – one month since two of my cousins and my sister took to my hair with scissors and an electric razor and I watched all of my hair (surprisingly grey) rain down around me.

A month later, I’m mostly surprised by how quickly it’s growing back – it’s very nearly at a length where it has direction and hopefully soon I’ll get to start playing around with a fringe. I’m actually really excited about playing around with a fringe – I’ve been toying with the idea of a full fringe for a couple of years now and this is the perfect time to figure it out, because if I don’t want it I just brush it to the side and carry on growing it out!

I’ve been making a list of things I’ve noticed about having a shaved head and next month I’m going to make a video for my YouTube channel with some of these observations, but mostly? I’ve been showered with love and praise – so many people have told me how brave I am and in all honesty? I don’t really think it is that brave – all I did was cut my hair off? That’s nothing compared to the people who benefit from charities like Macmillan – it’s literally nothing, hair is so unimportant and it baffles me why as a species we’re so attached to our hair and how it can define us so much.

I get it – I’ve spent five plus years dying my hair and using it as an expression of myself and I guess I don’t see it as confidence to be my own person without my hair, to not be defined by it. But I suppose some may see that as a really confident move, even though I am without a shadow of a doubt the least confident person I know!

Even though it’s been a month, I still don’t really feel used to it. Even getting in the shower I thought ‘oh I have to take my ponytail out before I get in’ and I have to remind myself fairly regularly that it’s not a ponytail, it’s just gone!

So far there’s not a lot of downsides – it’s so easy to wash and dry, I never have to think about styling or anything because it’s not long enough yet and on a windy day it’s wonderful not having my hair stick to my lipstick!

I think as it gets to that in between length it’ll be less fun because it won’t be long enough to do anything with but too long and look a bit silly. I’m genuinely excited to have the opportunity to see what my hair looks like at every possible length, even if the in between stages aren’t as flattering.

There was a few times I thought I might regret shaving my hair off and so far, I’m not feeling that at all – I’m excited for the regrowth and sometimes I will it to grow faster but between experimenting with styling and colour I’m genuinely really excited.

So far it’s not got any shape to it and my hair before I shaved it was pretty curly and I’m fascinated as to when (or if!) it’ll start curling again. There’s so much potential and possibilities and I’m genuinely so excited about it.

Maybe when I make a YouTube video about it I could do a Q&A? Do you have any questions about my decision, the process or my time since I shaved? If you do, leave a comment and I’ll answer it in my video!

Thank you so much for reading,

Sophie xx

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being a fat person in summer

2019, fashion, lifestyle

Hello!

Now the main reason I wanted to use a word like ‘fat’ in the title of this post is because so many people have negative associations with it when it’s actually just a description – it’s just a kind of cell that is in every single person’s body and it shouldn’t be detrimental!

I’m fat! Am I okay with being fat? Not really! Am I promoting being overweight? Of course not! But should we be afraid of the word fat? Most definitely not.

And back onto the topic of the post! Being a fat person in summer has it’s own set of challenges – the biggest is chub rub, the second I think is feeling hot and sweaty all the bloody time and then third it’s definitely how every gosh darn person will judge you whatever you’re wearing. Something with sleeves? Why are you wearing so much?! Something without sleeves? Wow, it’s so brave of you to where clothes like that! Daring to wear a crop top? ‘I don’t think that’s very flattering for someone with your figure’. There’s no winning!

There’s so much pressure on women at this time of year anyway between ‘bikini bodies’ and celebrities getting shamed on the front of magazines for having the most natural belly rolls and thighs that actually touch, but there is something about summer that is extra difficult for those of that carry a little bit more insulation.

As well as getting judged for everything we wear, it is physically uncomfortable – it’s not just chub rub when you walk, it’s becoming so much more aware of your body and everywhere skin touches. I’d offer tips and tricks but anyone who’s experienced any of these problems knows the best way to handle it, but I’d recommending watching Hannah Witton’s video trying out lots of chub rub products and not wearing clothes that are too baggy because there can be a lot going on under there.

I wanted today’s post to be an outfit post but I didn’t have time to take photos – I love wearing summer clothes and experimenting with fashion and whilst figuring out new ways to wear my snuggliest jumpers is a thrill, figuring out how to love my body in nearly cropped tees and outfits that aren’t as floaty or flattering is a challenge that I’ve willingly embraced this year rather than hiding behind the one outfit that I could bare to look at myself in.

This post was more of a ramble than a point with a conclusion and I think sometimes those are the best posts because we can all vent and unite about how crap it is being sweaty in summer! Under boob sweat is the only reason I bother with a bra anymore! Tell me about your least favourite thing about summer and how you cope with it in the comments!

Don’t get me wrong – I love when it’s warm, when you go outside and it actually feels warm on your skin. My favourite ever time of day is summer evenings when there’s a chill in the air but it’s comfortable and it’s light but it’s getting dark and you’re in the garden with an ice cold drink and good company (and preferably a fire pit) and I wouldn’t get that without a bit of heat and uncomfortable sweat.

Thank you so much for reading,

Sophie xx

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curating a practical wardrobe

2019, fashion

Hello!

Between fashion bloggers, YouTubers and the sustainability movement, everywhere I turn it seems there’s talk about capsule wardrobe, minimalist lifestyles and anti-fast-fashion.

It’s really opened my eyes to how I adopt these approaches into my own lifestyle – I love shopping but I also don’t like spending money and I hate not making use of what I’ve got so if I find something in my wardrobe that I don’t wear I’ll donate it to a charity shop.

It’s been over a year now that I’ve been slowly refining my wardrobe – cutting it down to be somewhere between a capsule wardrobe and a minimalist wardrobe which is really practical for me.

I’ve had three big clear outs – the first time was when I was in Southampton and I had so many clothes I literally didn’t have enough space for them all, I think I got rid of 6 bin bags worth of clothes in a charity bin (which is mind blowing, really) and I just about had enough room for my remaining clothes!

I did another clear out after I’d moved home and we got everything back out of storage – as I was unpacking all my clothes I did another big sort out and made another pile of a couple of bags of stuff I didn’t wear.

And the third one was fairly recently – I was ruthless, I got rid of things that were too small for me and things that were too big for me and I started being a lot more honest with myself about what I actually wear. When I finished that one my wardrobe looked so neat and tidy, it was beautiful.

But I still don’t think I’m done – I have too many t-shirts that I don’t really wear, too many pairs of trousers and I can’t see them on the shelf they’re on so I need to display them so I can actually see them all.

I’m not a big fan of the capsule wardrobe though – for me, I just don’t like the idea of only having a couple of colours so that everything matches, because I just don’t think that’s very sustainable. Having a shirt or a pair of trousers that go with a few options but not every option is far more realistic than making sure every top goes with every bottom option I have!

The main thing I don’t like about capsule wardrobes is swapping out parts of my wardrobe every season – I’m a big fan of layers and I’m also incredibly lazy so having to change up my whole wardrobe four times a year sounds like a lot more effort than I’m prepared to put in. And I think that having one wardrobe that works all year round is probably smaller and more environmentally conscious than a bigger wardrobe where you swap items out seasonally? It means I get more wear out of my clothes because I wear a lot of them all year round.

But then my wardrobe isn’t quite minimalist because I think it’s too big – I feel like a proper minimalist wardrobe should all fit on one rail or only have 5 shirts, 2 bottoms and a pair of shoes or something! Maybe I’m thinking a bit extreme, but whilst I want to be sustainable and get lots of wear out of my clothes I also like having choice and mixing and matching my clothes into lots of different outfits.

I love the idea of living a minimalistic lifestyle but I’m too sentimental – between clothes, photo albums, ornaments and even plush toys, I really do struggle to get rid of things but it’s all about balance isn’t it! It’s learning to let go of the things I don’t actually have a sentimental attachment to and keeping the things that mean something to me.

The last thing I’ve found that has helped me curate my wardrobe has been shopping more consciously – the amount of times I’ve been in New Look or Primark and really liked the look of something, but most of the time I realise it’s because:

  1. It looks like something I already own
  2. It’s trendy and ‘everyone has one’ so I’ve convinced myself that I need and I don’t
  3. I want it

But what I’ve found has worked particularly well for me is thinking about what I need rather than what I want – thinking about how an item will compliment the rest of my wardrobe or potentially thinking of something it could replace. Thinking a lot more consciously about what I’m buying makes such a difference when I’ve got an armful of clothes in Primark!

I like having a smaller wardrobe because I feel like I’m getting lots of wear out of what I’ve got and at the end of the day, I’m not good at making decisions so if I’ve got less clothes to choose from it’s much easier for me!

It’s all about balance – having enough clothes to get through day to day but focusing as much on what you need as what you want.

Everyone is different and different things work for different people – but I think it’s worth talking about because when someone shouts ‘sustainability’ you think about plastic bottles and single-use straws, but fast fashion is something we can do something about! People complain about Primark but anything is fast fashion if you treat it poorly – Primark isn’t the problem if you make the clothes last.

Thank you so much for reading,

Sophie xx

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fitting into my old clothes | outfit

2019, fashion

Hello!

I’ve only mentioned it approximately six billion times but I’ve been making lifestyle changes to lose weight for over six months now and consequently (obviously) my relationship with my body and my wardrobe has changed.

For starters, I feel more like me than I’ve felt in a very long time – I feel less like the Michelin Man and more like myself, I’m working on being more comfortable in my skin both in terms of making my body somewhere I like to live and addressing my mental body confidence. Overall, I feel better in myself.

But also, I’ve been refining my wardrobe ever since I started packing to move out of Southampton – I’ve been getting rid of clothes to donate to charity shops/sell/whatever since I packed that first box, to when I had a sort out before Christmas, after Christmas and this weekend just gone. I’ve slowly been cutting down and refining my wardrobe in a sort of capsule-esque way, but thinking more about what I need from my wardrobe and detaching from sentimentality (because no one needs to keep clothes 1) because ‘I love it so much even though I never wear it’ and 2) because they were expensive and it feels like a waste).

And then I had a box of clothes on top of my wardrobe that I’ve been saving for summer/when I lost weight and I got them out during my last clear out and there’s only two or three items that I feel like I need to lose more weight to wear and that is so motivating.

So here are some clothes that I didn’t feel I could wear before!

The leather jacket isn’t one of those items – I bought that for a wedding I went to in January, but I don’t have a lot of jackets. The jeans I bought for when I went to New York last year – they fit okay, but they were a bit too big when I stood up and far too tight when I sat down and they went back into the drawer until now. Now they’re far too big when I stand up and they’re comfortable when I sit down – I’m not going to let go of them just yet because they still fit but definitely need a belt with these ones.

The yellow cropped shirt is a dodie shirt from her ‘you‘ EP release (now on sale, if you’re interested!) and this is the first time I’ve worn it – I’ve loved the design ever since I bought two whole years ago but I’ve never felt ‘skinny enough’ or confident enough to wear it. Some would probably say I’m still not skinny enough but I don’t care – I feel absolutely adorable and whilst I’m not the huge fan of dodie I was when I bought it, it’s still a cute yellow crop top and I love anything yellow.

omg cheeky bit of tummy 😱

Reclaiming the few items that I kept for a time when I could actually shift the weight I hated has actually motivated me more than ever to keep working to lose as much as I can – I’ve come a really long way in the last year, especially the last six months and I knew when I put those clothes into a box a year ago that they would be the motivator I needed, not a sad reminder of what I’d lost (or gained, depending on how you look at it…).

That’s not to say you have to lose weight to feel good about yourself or keep your old clothes as an inspiration – if you feel fab as you are? You’re rocking it, you go girl. If you need to throw the clothes that don’t fit away (or donate them) to help you accept who you are now – you do you, whatever empowers you. Everyone is on their own journey (however pretentious that sounds) – personal growth is exactly that, it’s personal.

I’ve still got a long way to go – I’m not anywhere near my goal weight or a healthy weight for my height yet and I’m still learning and developing every day to do all I can to continue losing. But I felt cute – I can comfortably wear almost everything in my wardrobe and I’m not dreading getting these wobbly arms and legs out in the summer, in fact? I can’t wait to sit out in the sun with a good book and get away from screens for a bit.

Despite the fact it’s basically winter in the UK right now and sunny summer seems a loooooong way away, I’m not dreading the summer heat and wearing more clothes than is comfortable for the sake of covering up.

I’m making progress! Summer healthy eating is so much easier and I’m actually enjoying running (and hopefully exercising more)! And I don’t feel at war with my wardrobe anymore! Yay!

Thank you so much for reading,

Sophie xx

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I could hear a bee in the plant behind me…

don’t be fooled by the fashion bloggers!

2019, fashion

Hello!

I don’t mean this title to sound as accusing as it does, it’s just a realisation I had the other day and wanted to share because sometimes it’s easy to see lot’s of people online talking about how they do something and starting to think that’s what you want and forgetting that’s not actually what you want!

I watch, follow and read about quite a few fashion bloggers, YouTubers and instagrammers and in the age of sustainability and avoiding fast fashion, everyone’s talking about capsule wardrobes.

This is how it went for me – I started trying to plan a capsule wardrobe, I picked out loads of clothes that I didn’t want anymore (which I needed to do anyway) to donate or sell and I was looking at my wardrobe, still not very capsule, and I was watching videos or people talking about their capsule wardrobes and it hit me like a truck.

We don’t have the same style, so why am I trying to make my wardrobe like theirs?

There wardrobes were all plain clothes and patterns, mine is some of this but with band t-shirts and pop-culture-nerd t-shirts. Their wardrobe had eight pairs of jeans, I have one and a bunch of funky stripy trousers from New Look (side note: I love the Anna Edit but eight pairs of jeans?? Surely no one ‘needs’ eight pairs of jeans?? No judging, just genuinely intrigued).

My impression of a capsule wardrobe is that you have fewer items of clothing but they all match and coordinate more. For some reason, I kind of decided that meant that I had to have a wardrobe centred around one colour and if you have a shirt that you think goes really well with one pair of trousers but not really anything else, then that shirt isn’t wearable enough (if that makes sense?).

But that’s not the case!

The turning point for me is I was trying to figure out things to get rid of to make my wardrobe more minimalistic and capsule and I realised that Anna (from the Anna Edit) doesn’t wear hoodies, it’s just not something that is in her wardrobe and I literally own six or seven and they’re all slightly different and I actually wear them all, so why should I make myself throw them all away when I actually get a lot of use out of them?

I love hoodies, I love nerd merch, but I love pattern clothes and I’m a sucker for a plain white tee too and I’m integrating these in my own way!

So on the one hand, my wardrobe isn’t so ‘capsule’ because everything doesn’t quite go with everything else, but I am getting a lot better at refining it and being less precious about clothes I’ve owned for a long time or clothes I spent a lot of money on just because I spent a lot of money on them.

Living a more minimalist life and valuing the things I actually need more – thinking more about need than want is my new priority – but also, I’m a really sentimental person so I’ve got 4 or 5 photos alums and lots of boxes and I want to make sure I use everything so I’ve got lots of notebooks that I haven’t used, and literally about 50 biros that I will use in the long run and I don’t see the point in throwing them away and then having to buy new ones in the future!

It’s all a balance, a balance I haven’t figured out yet but what I have realised is that I need to make sure is that I don’t lose my own style and thoughts and opinions because I’m getting so invested in the creators I follow online.

I’m not saying that fashion bloggers are to blame – they’re not telling me that my wardrobe is wrong, I just didn’t see the kind of clothes I like wearing in the creators I watch.

Maybe I’m just being a moron and saying something that no one else had ever thought before but you know what? I might not be! It’s so easy to be influenced by social media and not realise you’re losing yourself a little bit but I thoroughly recommend staring at your wardrobe for a little bit just to figure out what you really love.

Thank you so much for reading,

Sophie xx

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