September Goals

2018, lifestyle

Hello!

I’ve been doing these posts for about six months now and I find they really help me focus on specific tasks for the month, especially because I’ve integrated them into my bullet journal spreads.

However, in previous months I’ve done a review of the last months goals before setting my new goals for the month and I’ve decided not to do that this time – these reviews should be a personal reflection for me to adapt and respond to but I don’t think anyone else needs to know or cares about last months goals!

Last months goals went quite well, ironically, you can read that post here if you like!

September has always been my favourite month, whether it was because it was my birthday month, whether it was back to school I was excited for or just going into the Autumn/Winter season, September makes me happier and I’m excited for this month.

[ S E P T E M B E R   G O A L S ]

  • work 12 hours a week – I’m fortunate enough that my mum has let me work for her company as a kind of Office Assistant/PA/learning about business management person and she’s always been open to letting me help but I was so focused on graduate job hunting that I hadn’t accepted it till now. I want to dedicate specific time to working for her company and I’m starting with (minimum) 12 hours a week and I’m actually kind of excited about it.
  • write 20,000 words (667 a day) – last months writing challenge was a huge success so I wanted to up the stake a little bit – I wrote 15,000 words in August so I’m aiming for more this month! I’m basically training myself up before NaNoWriMo (50k in November) but I’m really enjoying the creative freedom that writing gives me and being in the mental position to write again, I just love it.
  • driving – guess who booked her theory test and her first lesson on a whim when she was tired one night? Yes, it was me. My theory test is towards the end of this month, my boyfriend will (hopefully) be taking his test soon and we’ve nearly got our own car too. Right now, I feel the same as I did when I was 17 – I don’t want to learn to drive, I just want to be able to drive but it’s not the simple so I’m biting the bullet and doing it. My first lesson is on the 7th so wish me luck!
  • maintain no pressure exercise – I’ve written a couple of posts now about exercise and I think it’s not a phase that I’ll get bored of? It’s been about four weeks now and I’m still integrating it into my routine? And I like it? I’m having to change it up quite a lot because I get bored or I feel like it’s not doing anything but I’m actually enjoying exercising and boy I need to lose weight so hopefully by this time next month I’ll actually be able to see some results!
  • positive job hunting – will she ever stop talking about job hunting? Probably not! Being an unemployed graduate (bar working for my mum) has really got to me mentally – I went for a job interview that I felt really good about and then I didn’t get it and I felt like giving up. So alongside feeling really mentally low, I just didn’t have the motivation to apply for anything else. However, I’m pulling myself out of it and I’m trying to get back into the habit of applying for jobs positively and not looking at it as a mindless chore that will never amount to anything because if that’s the attitude I have than it never will amount to anything! Even if it means taking it a bit slower, I want to maintain a positive relationship with applying for jobs.

I’ve tried to make these goals realistic and achievable – September is a time for new starts; going back to school, back to uni, back to work and I’m feeling that kind of motivation without having school, uni or a job to go into it but I’m making my situation right now work as best as I can.

Thank you for reading,

Sophie xx

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unfitness – when the going gets tough, listen to your body

2018, lifestyle

Hello,

I’ve gotten into a habit of blogging about something when it happens and then I become less interested or I find it harder to motivate myself and then in three months the cycle starts again. I’m determined not to let that happen with working out.

I wrote this unfitness post about starting a few steps back a couple of weeks ago and I was really excited, I was doing well at getting out of bed really early (well like 7am, that’s pretty early right?), doing 30 minutes of walking at various speed on the treadmill then having a shower and having a good productive day.

But hi this is bad mental health and it’s here to ruin your motivation to exercise!

Last week I managed one half hour yoga session which didn’t feel like it did a whole lot and one morning where I did ten minutes on the treadmill and ten minutes on the rowing machine. I didn’t even manage the ‘three times a week’ goal I set myself.

This is going to sound really melodramatic but hear me out: I feel like there is a hand around my heart right now and whenever I try to take a deep breath it closes a little bit. It’s an anxiety thing, I get it quite a lot but it makes exercising really hard, because whenever I try to push myself or do anything too strenuous breathing becomes a struggle and exercise is meant to make you a bit breathless but this is another level.

So I’m trying not to let this extended bout of anxiety stop me long term – I managed two sessions last week and it’s Tuesday as I’m writing this and I’ve just done my first session of the week and it was another ten minutes on treadmill/ten minutes on the rowing machine because I just can’t face doing any more.

(EDIT: I managed one more session that week (which was a 6km walk) and this week is looking more promising, follow me on Instagram if you’re interested in more immediate updates!)

But I did some. And at the end of the day I think that’s what matters – a part of my body is trying to tell me that I shouldn’t do the thing that’s good for me but I’m doing it anyway. It’s not a lot but it’s something and anything is better than nothing isn’t it?

I feel like I need to learn more about fitness and what I should be trying to like actually see some results but for now, I think I’m going to carry on doing what I’m doing and maybe one day I’ll be able to afford some Personal Trainer sessions. But trying is better than nothing and not only is it working out which is good for your body but it’s also proving you’re better than your mental health, you’re defying it!

It’s hard, but it’s worth it in the end.

Thank you for reading,

Sophie xx

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nothing is permanent, even unemployment

2018, lifestyle, student

Hello!

After graduating, the only thing anyone ever really wants to talk to you about is whether you’ve got a job, what’re you going to do next and what your plans are and when you don’t have a job or a plan it gets pretty boring and incredibly down-heartening.

That’s not to say I resent anyone who asks – it’s nice to know that people care enough to ask, especially my family – I’m mostly annoyed with myself for not having anything to update them on.

And it is disheartening – when you’ve spent three years working on something and you’re proud of your achievements and you’ve been told ‘you won’t struggle to get a job’ (maybe all lecturers say that to everyone) it’s hard to apply for some really exciting jobs and some jobs that you could do but wouldn’t love and some jobs just to pass the time and to get a new rejection email every day. Even my mum today used the words ‘soul destroying’ and she’s right.

This isn’t new information – I’m not the first graduate to feel like this and I most certainly won’t be the last, I’m not trying to be a voice and I’m not trying to pretend this is something new or original.

I’m just saying that if you’re feeling like this you’re not alone – being in this post-graduate unemployment slump can be incredibly isolating. After three years of living with your best mates, seeing your friends every day and living a completely independent life, for most students it’s moving back in with your parents, knowing that all your friends are scattered around the country and it takes more than just a Facebook message to see them. It’s lonely and on top of that you may start to feel like the universe is telling you that you’ll never get a job.

To be honest, I don’t know if I have any ‘tips and tricks’ to make this easier – we’re not going to be unemployed forever, no one ever is, I just don’t know what the next step is. However much I keep telling myself I’m going to be unemployed forever and I’m not good enough for the jobs I’ve applied for doesn’t mean it’s true – I’m not going to spend the rest of my life living at my mum’s house making food plans and uploading videos not many people watch and I know that not getting a job doesn’t mean I’m a failure and I’m useless.

Well, at least I hope it doesn’t.

I guess the thing I want to share (to make this a slightly less miserable post!) is this – I was chatting to a friend a few weeks ago, he’s just finished his first year and he said his biggest worry about finishing uni was ending up in a dead end job and I said words to this effect.

I mean, it’s hard to say either way – obviously I want to say ‘that won’t happen’ but I finished uni months ago and I still don’t have a job. All I can say is nothing lasts forever – I don’t think I know anyone who has been in the same job at the same company or even in the same career from when they’re in their early 20s to when they’re 60. Things change and move and you’ll change and move with them – nothing is ‘stuck’ or ‘dead end’ unless you decide to stay, so don’t worry about it too much!

Nothing is permanent, even unemployment.

Any advice (or jobs in social/digital media or along these lines) please do let me know! All my socials are linked below as always.

Thank you for reading,

Sophie xx

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being the one that doesn’t drink at uni

2018, lifestyle, student

Hello!

With A Level results day being last week, thousands of students across the country will have started their journey into their university career.

For lots of people, it’s incredibly exciting to go into freshers week or fortnight, meeting new people and going out and getting really drunk.

And for some people, that is the most anxiety inducing terrifying way to describe starting university. I fall into that category. I was so scared of starting uni – when my mum left me in my new room in halls with all my stuff I burst into tears when she had to leave because it was all so daunting and overwhelming.

I’m lucky that the people in my flat were really chilled and asked me if I wanted to go out and were so, so friendly when I said it wasn’t my cup of tea and the boy that lived across the hall from me stayed in and watched the new series of Doctor Who with fish and chips with me. So I was pretty lucky in that respect.

So I thought I’d collate a few tips and tricks for a bunch of scenarios you may come across if you’re not massively into drinking or going out.

  • saying no when all your flat are going out – it can feel awful when you’re surrounded by new people to say no when they’re getting really drunk or going out or whatever and saying no can feel like the worst option, especially with ‘fomo’ being so prominent. But it’s not worth the stress and anxiety if that’s not an environment you enjoy – staying in, watching some Netflix, doing what works for you and catching up with people in the morning will be so much better for you in the long run. Obviously there’s a lot of conditions and different scenarios but saying no is fine.
  • find a bunch of people who don’t go out a lot – my mates at uni were pretty heavy drinkers, but they weren’t that into night clubs and we really enjoyed playing card games and board games and it was so much fun because literally none of them cared that I wasn’t massively into drinking! It means you still get the fun of socialising and spending time with your friends without the pressure of feeling like you have to drink.
  • going out when you’re not drunk – if you’re okay with going to a club and being around drunk people, it’s being aware of where your limits are and knowing when to say ‘I’m good now’. I’ve found on nights out when I’ve not been drunk or I’ve not drunk anything at all, I’m usually tired and ready to go home before everyone else and it’s being confident enough to say ‘I’m going to head home now, have a good night!’. But to be honest, if you suggest getting take out on the way home most people will want to come with you.

It can be daunting, but I’d recommend making sure you talk to people about it – let them know you don’t drink, be confident in yourself and don’t ever feel like you have to drink and if you’re with a group of people who force you to drink, get yourself out of there as safely as you can! Uni is meant to be fun and can be the best time of your life, whether you drink or not!

Final thought – don’t judge people and find people that won’t judge you.

Thank you for reading,

Sophie xx

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trying something new | outfit

2018, fashion, lifestyle, photography

Hello!

This summer, I’ve been trying to be a bit more adventurous with what I wear – now that the heatwave seems to have (finally) drawn to an end, I feel like I can experiment a bit now that I’m not sweating constantly.

And last week, my family and I went to a market in a local town and I spotted this gorgeous elephant print floaty top on a stall and it was only £10! Elephants are my thing so whenever I see anything with elephants on it’s difficult to leave behind.

When I got it, I didn’t think I’d get much wear out of it – it’s very long, my sister described it as looking like a hospital gown and she was right. But with these high waisted plus sized jeans from ASOS, I actually loved it – I could pull it out so it was still airy and light but I loved the contrast of having it tucked in.

It’s comfy, it’s perfect for summer because it’s so thin but it would also be perfect for the transition months because it’s so easy to layer. I’m excited to figure out other ways to wear this top and I feel like being excited to wear an item of clothing isn’t a bad thing.

I have a pretty awful relationship with my body – I really don’t like my appearance and I’m very aware of my attitude to food and desperately trying not to let it develop into anything worse (I talked about it a little bit in an instagram post the other day).

I don’t want to make every outfit post about body image, but talking about the clothes I’m wearing involves showing how they look on my body and that takes a lot for me to feel comfortable sharing – the truth is I don’t feel comfortable sharing them. Every photo I edit to include I pick apart every last possible flaw about myself. I don’t look at my body a lot and the image of myself I have in my head is a fair bit slimmer than what I actually look like so sharing the pictures with my tummy pouch and my big arms and my face that can’t just seem to manage that sultry, moody face without looking like I actually want to commit murder.

And I hope that other people don’t see those things when looking at the same photos. There’s the little part of my brain that says ‘don’t be stupid, everyone thinks you’re disgusting’ but then I think ‘well maybe they don’t’ and then I think ‘who are you to be cocky enough to think that’ and it goes on and on. Maybe I shouldn’t share these things, but if I read a post about someone who thinks the same way I do then it would be incredibly reassuring. But already I’m thinking ‘but no one cares enough about your writing to be reassured by it’.

Long story short I really like this top and I wanted to share it. Long story long I have a tricky relationship with my body and maybe sharing it is helping?

Thank you for reading,

Sophie xx

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my uncertain life right now (Diary 1)

2018, lifestyle, student, travel

Hello!

A couple of months ago I wrote a post all about how I was writing this blog for myself – how I didn’t really want to spend masses of time scheduling tweets or making promo for Instagram stories that I didn’t get much engagement on so I’d rather this blog was a little spot on the internet that I can scroll through in 50 years and look back on what was important to me when I was 21.

I don’t think I’m the right kind of person to get brand deals and really make a living from doing this, maybe writing in other capacities but not like this (not that I wouldn’t want to if the opportunity came along? I could get caught up in ‘if’s and ‘but’s for ages, but you get the gist).

So where I may have held off writing diary like blog posts in the past (‘because it doesn’t help anyone’ or ‘no one cares’) – I want to start documenting little capsules of my life! Here and now – 17th August 2018, these are the things I’m thinking, what makes me happy, what I’m worried about. I hope that’s okay.

Right this second, I’m sat in a Cafe Nero in Peterborough – my boyfriend is at his (hopefully) last driving lesson before he gets put forward for his test and I’m killing time until we get the bus home together later. I love working in cafes – for some reason, being out the house and in public makes me feel like I have to get work done but it doesn’t feel like a chore. It inspired me to write this post, to be honest.

This week was one of those busy but quiet weeks – the beginning of the week was a trial shift at a job that I had to turn down because my back is in really bad shape and standing for whole shifts would do more bad than good, then I was on a train back to Southampton for a job interview at the university I didn’t attend.

I think it went well – I’ve tried not to post too much about it online because I know for a fact that if everyone else is as nosy as me, people will be judging and keeping an eye on how the job hunt is going (that sounds malicious – I’m kinda nosy but because it’s exciting seeing where everyone’s going next!). But also I don’t want to post about it and then not get it because then people might ask me how it went and I’d have to say I didn’t get it. I’m waiting on an email or some form of contact today so I might update this post? I feel like I have to now!

edit: I didn’t get the job, back to applying I guess!

It was a very quick one night stay in Southampton and by Tuesday evening we were home and continuing to watch CW’s Arrow Season 1 – we started watching Legends of Tomorrow with the fam and it was a bit confusing because I’ve watched Flash but I hadn’t seen Arrow or Supergirl so we decided to go right back to the beginning and watch them in order. I’m loving it so much – I’ve always been a massive fan of Marvel’s Cinematic Universe (none of the TV shows ever grabbed me) but DC’s films never blew me away, DC TV however is edging it’s way to be equal to Marvel to be honest. Flash is my DC boy and Spider-Man is my Marvel boy, they could never be more than each other.

I take superheroes very seriously, I don’t know if you can tell!

The middle of this week has been very slow – I’ve had a lot of headaches and I can’t tell if they’re dehydration or stress but I’m already looking forward to a new week and a fresh start.

In the least melodramatic way, my life right now is very uncertain – I might get this job or that job (I’ve applied for too many to count at this point), I might be living at home for a while, should I start driving lessons? Will I be home for my birthday? Do I book to go down to Bournemouth for my sister’s birthday because I don’t know where I’ll be? I feel like I’m waiting on a lot of conditions before I can settled and plan properly and we all know that planning and knowing where I am and what I’m doing is my specialty – I feel a bit like I’m floating, so I’m very much looking forward to having my feet planted firmly on the ground again.

I’ve really enjoyed writing this – I might make it a more regular thing or keep it just to when I feel like something significant is worth documenting? Either way, I found it very therapeutic so I hope you enjoyed it too!

Thank you for reading,

Sophie xx

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unfitness – starting a few steps back

2018, lifestyle

Hello!

I’ve blogged on a fair few occasions about ‘my fitness journey’ – posts like ‘I’ve started a new workout regime’, ‘I’m working out’, ‘I need to work out’ and so on and so on. Over the past year or so, having given up dancing after my second year at uni and even then, those dance training sessions were nowhere near as intense as when I was dancing before uni and my fitness levels and the amount of time I’ve spent exercising has gone down considerably over the last three years to basically nothing.

So now that I’m living with my mum for a bit, who has a treadmill in her garage, I’m doing 30 minutes walking on said treadmill and aiming for three times a week (two weeks in, going pretty well). And I’ve made a little highlight on my instagram that I’ve called ‘unfitness’ – I’ve been posting little rambles about my thoughts and feelings about working out when you’re (I’m) a larger lady, because whenever you look for ‘beginners’ workouts online or look for programs to follow and none of them cater for starting from literally nothing.

This whole idea actually came about from my rambles on Instagram – this is what I wrote after my first time on the treadmill:

To be honest, over the last year I’ve put on a lot of weight and not spent the time exercising that I have in the past, so consequently my fitness level is the lowest its ever been

That makes it harder to exercise but giving up just makes it worse – I’ve tried a bunch of different fitness programs and such this year and each one has proven how unfit I am, so it’s taking it back a step and finding what’s right for me

Right now, I’m walking for 30 minutes on a treadmill and in time I’ll be able to up that to a run but I’ve got to give myself that time

So from there, I started my highlight and continued to write about the progression I was making – I posted a couple of screenshots from my FitBit app about my heart rate and boomerangs of my feet on the treadmill (obviously) and my documenting my fitness had really begun!

My second post was a bit more difficult – I’d been thinking a lot whilst I was walking and this is what my second post was about:

Whilst walking this morning, I was thinking about how I got to this point where I’m so unfit that walking is exercise. Having moved home after finishing uni it felt natural to look into going back to dance classes but honestly? I’m embarrassed to go because I don’t think I could do it anymore.

It’s all a work in progress and it’s natural while I didn’t have the same dancing opportunities at uni and I was focusing on my degree that I’m not going to be in the same shape as I was when I was 18, but it’s still kind of disheartening.

And that’s not to say that what I’m doing right now isn’t right for me – is it right for me in what my body needs right now, I just miss dancing and feeling like an elephant that everyone’s laughing at

Got a little bit more personal! But I wasn’t going to let those negative thoughts stop me completely – a couple of days later I was back on the treadmill (7am seems to be the time for me to exercise, it works!) and these were my thoughts.

I’d posted a couple of screenshots regarding my heart rate and asked a couple of questions (to anyone who was willing to read all of my ramblings) about whether walking and cardio was enough to help my lose weight and then I wrote:

I’m documenting this partially for my benefit but partially because I know that at this point I wouldn’t feel comfortable going back to the gym for fear of judgement for not being fit enough and I don’t think it’s fair that people at different stages of their fitness journeys are being judged for it! If someone runs for an hour then does weight training or if someone walks on a treadmill for half an hour their training is valid and I feel like we don’t see enough of the latter! I don’t need to hide myself away because I’m a Size 18+ and my heart isn’t as good as other peoples.

I hope that’s okay.

And now, I don’t know how much I actually have to add! I have been on the treadmill since writing that last update and I don’t post anything because it was a busy day and I didn’t have the same free time to write what I was feeling up – this weekend I’m going to do my last of three sessions for the week and next week I’m going to step it up a bit to keep training and maintain that progress.

My hope is that one day I will be able to run (maybe I’ll sign up for a 5k or something?), maybe I’ll be toned and I’ll know what the weight machines at the gym will do and I hope to be supporting those who’s journey isn’t starting at the point that is ‘socially acceptable’! ‘Bikini body diets’ and ’30 day challenges’ just aren’t suited for everyone and I feel like every fitness journey deserves to be talked about and shared!

Thank you for reading,

Sophie xx

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playlist: Summer ’18

2018, music

Hello!

With the amount of new music that’s been released by a bunch of artists I really like this summer, I’ve been slowly adding to my Summer ’18 playlist for a couple of months now.

And I’m a huge music geek – I love how the algorithms work on Spotify, I love following music people on Instagram, my whole final uni project centred around music, I’m just obsessed. But building playlists is something I’ve seen a lot of people on twitter talking about but I’ve never really ‘designed’ playlists in the same way – I just chuck a bunch of songs that I enjoy belting when I’m home alone in one place!

Some may argue that those are the same things, but I thought I’d have a little chat about the new releases I was really excited about this summer and the playlist I’ve had on for the last couple of months.

Watching the Sky – Sheppard

Sheppard are an Australian band that my boyfriend found on Spotify through their song ‘Geronimo’ because it was inspired by Doctor Who. Since then, we’ve been eagerly anticipating every one of their releases and Watching The Sky is actually one of my favourite albums of this summer – it’s light and fun and the songs are catchy and ‘We Belong’ had us dancing around the kitchen whilst we cook dinner. Such a fun album.

Everything Is Fine – All Time Low

I mean, the band teased this song for maybe 24 hours before it was released and I was on holiday and I wasn’t ready and I love it. All Time Low are my absolute without a shadow of a doubt favourite band and have been for like 10 ish years so I was very excited when I saw this song had come out and I love it. I love the vibe, I love the sentiment behind it and Alex Gaskarth’s vocals are just stunning. I’m excited for the album that is likely to follow, though I don’t think anything has been announced yet.

Youngblood – 5 Seconds of Summer

I’ve got a funny relationship with 5SOS – I used to be a huge fan, had a tumblr blog that reached nearly 30k followers and built this amazing little community but then there was an article published that showed a side of the band that hadn’t really been exposed before and I’d just started studying journalism and a lot of people blamed the publication ‘for making them look so bad’ but reading into it I could tell that the writer was just working with what they had and my opinion of the band lowered so much. Saying that, I’d listened to a couple of the singles they released before the album came out and I was so frustrated by how much I liked it?

To be honest, Youngblood has been my most played album of this summer – the last five or six songs on the album are absolutely bangers and I really do love them! I think the way I’m settling it in my head is that I like the music but I’m not big fans of the people in the band and I don’t feel too bad supporting them because they weren’t doing terrible horrible things, they just aren’t the nicest people. I hope that’s okay?

Sunnyland – Mayday Parade

This album I added to my playlist on a bit of a whim – I loaded up Spotify one day and it popped up that Mayday Parade had released a new album. I’m not a huge fan of the band but I know I like a few of their tracks and their vibe is very me so I just dropped it in and I actually really like it! It’s a bit heavier than the other albums on the list but I really like that because the slightly heavier, more guitar based sounds are my absolutely favourite. I was pleasantly surprised but really enjoyed Sunnyland!

Pray For The Wicked – Panic! At The Disco

So, Panic! are up there as one of my favourite bands (after ATL in a Solid First Place, I have a group of joint second favourite bands which also includes S Club 7, ngl) and I was so pumped for this album. I preordered the vinyl as my post-FMP-hand-in-present-to-myself and I’m obsessed – the vinyl itself is actually stunning but the album is just so great. Death of a Bachelor was always going to be a difficult album to follow (and I think I do still prefer it) but Brendon Urie’s voice is just absolutely astonishing. Saturday Night, The Overpass and Hey Look Ma, I Made It are for sure going to become some of Panic!’s new anthems. Thoroughly recommend, it’s been on loop in the car for a while now.

Birthday – All Time Low

Two new tracks was very overwhelming and exciting? I’ll be perfectly honest, I prefer the first single out of these two but I stand by that All Time Low have never released a song that I don’t like and I do still enjoy and listen to this song (hence why it’s on the playlist!) – it’s fun and I can imagine it being played at a lot of birthday parties, for sure. Two new songs released so close together hopefully means a new album maybe by the end of this year, but it’s only just been a year since All Time Low’s last album came out, so I’ll be eagerly anticipating news that’s for sure!

Six – We The Kings

Like Mayday Parade, this is another one that Spotify popped up and told me had been released and I’ve liked a fair few of We The Kings songs in the past and I follow the band quite closely on social media, especially as their bassist Charles Trippy is King of the Daily Vloggers and he documents a bunch of behind the scenes music stuff which is 100% my jam, so I added the album to my playlist. It took me a few weeks to actually get round to listening to it and I really enjoyed it! It’s a great pop sound with some really fun riffs and catchy tunes, perfect for a summer party!

‘Lie To Me’ Spotify Sessions – 5 Seconds of Summer

Back to 5SOS again! I saw on Instagram that they’d done another version of ‘Lie To Me’ at their Spotify Sessions recording and I absolutely adore it – it’s not quite acoustic but it’s very stripped back, I love the indie tones in the lead vocals and the harmonies are just magical. I’m very much enjoying belting it at the top of my lungs when I’m home alone.

The playlist is linked down below and if you do want to follow me on Spotify, then you’ll never miss how often I’m listening to Youngblood!

I definitely need to get into making more playlists and writing more posts like these because I love finding new artists and writing about the music I’m loving! If you have any recommendations please, please leave them in the comments below!

Thank you for reading,

Sophie xx

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Dear YouTube, Fix the Subscribe Button

2018, lifestyle

Hello!

I’ve been watching YouTube videos and content creators for somewhere nearing ten years now and I have a lot of thoughts about how dumb some of the site changes have been, but here’s my biggest gripe and oh boy, plug in your seatbelts boys and girls because I have some opinions.

What is the point of a subscribe button, if the subscription feed doesn’t give you a list of all the videos from the channels you’ve subscribed too?

I get the point of algorithms – how is anyone going to find new content if there aren’t algorithms to figure out what you’ll really like? But save them for the home page! Or the suggested videos around a video when you’re watching.

subscription  (səbˈskrɪpʃ(ə)n/)  noun
an arrangement to receive something, typically a publication, regularly by paying in advance.
“make sure you get a copy every month by taking out a subscription”

 

The definition of subscription – sure, YouTube is slightly different in that it’s a free platform and maybe that’s where their loophole is, but if I subscribe to a channel and then don’t ‘receive’ that video in my subscription feed, it’s not a subscription at all?

‘Subscribe’ has just become a phrase to YouTube at this point – it’s doesn’t mean that a creators videos get sent to certain people, it’s all about the numbers and YouTube only appears to be paying attention to those with tens of millions of numbers to their channel.

That must be all it is to them! Surely it’s obvious? Why would anyone subscribe to a channel if what they actually wanted was for someone to guess what they want to watch?

There’s only so accurate that YouTube can be! For one, I don’t want an algorithm to try and tell me what I want to watch when what I want to watch it what I’ve subscribed to – it’s that simple! On my channel, I’m the only one making content but my boyfriend often watches videos on my channel and what he watches it completely and utterly different to what I watch. I don’t hate it, but I’m not subscribed for a reason.

But now YouTube thinks all I want to watch is vine compilations and gaming livestreams and that’s not the case. Not even a little bit.

I’m not sure what else there is to say – I think it would be really interesting if YouTube put out a survey and asked what people actually wanted from the sub feed, because I’d be legitimately surprised if the majority came out saying people want it how it is now.

And don’t even get my started on why social media news feeds aren’t chronological.

Thank you for reading,

Sophie xx

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August Mini Goals

2018, film, lifestyle, photography

Hello!

How July flew past – between trying to survive the heatwave and adjusting to life as a graduate, it’s been a bit of whirlwind. But let’s jump right in with reviewing my July goals.

[ J U L Y   G O A L S : R E V I E W ]

  1. Content – stick to the plan! I’m actually really proud of myself with this one, I’m feeling much more on top of this goal and I feel like I’m making stuff I’m actually really proud of!
  2. Portfolio – my portfolio on my blog is all done and ready for updating as and when I have something new to post (you can have a nosy here), my showreel was a much slower start but I knuckled down, made a list of everything I wanted to include, sourced all the footage and started cutting it down – so it’s not quite finished but it’s nearly there!
  3. Workout – I decided against making too much of an effort with this one because it was just too hot to workout and it wasn’t worth the hassle. But I have been making an effort to try and do lots of walking and just yesterday I started using my mum’s treadmill and I’m going to start working up from there – I did a whole rant on my Instagram stories which I saved to highlights (and I will write a full blog post on it soon!) if you want a sneak peak.
  4. Work experience – I was struggling a bit with this one because having finished my degree and in the midst of applying for career starting jobs, applying for work experience all felt a little backwards – I was unsure about what I wanted from each company I was looking into but I’ve done a bunch more research and sent a few emails off the other day.
  5. Applying for jobs – I actually, no joke, lost count of how many jobs I’ve applied for in the last couple of weeks. I lost my mojo a little bit at the end of June but by mid-July I’d pulled up my metaphorical socks and told myself I am worthy of a cool job in an industry I love, I just need to keep going to get there and that’s what I’ve done. Hopefully I’ll hear back from something soon but in the mean time, I will keep applying.

That was long, but let’s jump right into August!

[ A U G U S T   G O A L S : L O O K I N G   A H E A D ]

I wanted to shake things up a little this month – I felt like my goals had been basically the same for months I needed to adjust my focus a little bit.

  1. Write 15,000 words – in July I had a go at Camp NaNoWriMo and though I didn’t hit my target word goal, I did find the same kind of enjoyment out of writing that I used to when I was a teenager and I want to maintain that this month.
  2. Finish my passion project – I’ve had a video project for my YouTube channel on the backburner for a little while now and I’m determined to finish it this month. It’s a little out there but it’s something I really want to make and I can’t wait to share it!
  3. Focus on my Insta content / take more photos! I’ve been really enjoying Instagram at the moment and working on balancing a theme and pretty content with real life photos that match up to what I’m actually doing day in day out and I want to work on that even more. I want to take more photos and make my instagram the best it can be!
  4. Start budget tracking – I’ve not done any kind of budget tracking since I got my penultimate loan instalment in January but now I have no upcoming loans and I don’t have a lot of money, so I need to keep track of what I’m spending and where I’m spending it to make sure I have enough money to keep me going.
  5. Watch more films! I don’t necessarily mean go to the cinema more but there’s a lot of classic films that I haven’t seen, some because I know I won’t like them but a lot because I just never got round to seeing them! My mum has a pretty spectacular DVD collection (that I just databased and alphabetised) so I think we’re going to start working our way through that.

A little bit rambly this month, but I graduated in July so there’s been a fair bit of self-evaluation. I’m feeling productive and creative at the moment so hopefully that follows through!

Thank you for reading,

Sophie xx

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