my uncertain life right now (Diary 1)

2018, lifestyle, student, travel

Hello!

A couple of months ago I wrote a post all about how I was writing this blog for myself – how I didn’t really want to spend masses of time scheduling tweets or making promo for Instagram stories that I didn’t get much engagement on so I’d rather this blog was a little spot on the internet that I can scroll through in 50 years and look back on what was important to me when I was 21.

I don’t think I’m the right kind of person to get brand deals and really make a living from doing this, maybe writing in other capacities but not like this (not that I wouldn’t want to if the opportunity came along? I could get caught up in ‘if’s and ‘but’s for ages, but you get the gist).

So where I may have held off writing diary like blog posts in the past (‘because it doesn’t help anyone’ or ‘no one cares’) – I want to start documenting little capsules of my life! Here and now – 17th August 2018, these are the things I’m thinking, what makes me happy, what I’m worried about. I hope that’s okay.

Right this second, I’m sat in a Cafe Nero in Peterborough – my boyfriend is at his (hopefully) last driving lesson before he gets put forward for his test and I’m killing time until we get the bus home together later. I love working in cafes – for some reason, being out the house and in public makes me feel like I have to get work done but it doesn’t feel like a chore. It inspired me to write this post, to be honest.

This week was one of those busy but quiet weeks – the beginning of the week was a trial shift at a job that I had to turn down because my back is in really bad shape and standing for whole shifts would do more bad than good, then I was on a train back to Southampton for a job interview at the university I didn’t attend.

I think it went well – I’ve tried not to post too much about it online because I know for a fact that if everyone else is as nosy as me, people will be judging and keeping an eye on how the job hunt is going (that sounds malicious – I’m kinda nosy but because it’s exciting seeing where everyone’s going next!). But also I don’t want to post about it and then not get it because then people might ask me how it went and I’d have to say I didn’t get it. I’m waiting on an email or some form of contact today so I might update this post? I feel like I have to now!

It was a very quick one night stay in Southampton and by Tuesday evening we were home and continuing to watch CW’s Arrow Season 1 – we started watching Legends of Tomorrow with the fam and it was a bit confusing because I’ve watched Flash but I hadn’t seen Arrow or Supergirl so we decided to go right back to the beginning and watch them in order. I’m loving it so much – I’ve always been a massive fan of Marvel’s Cinematic Universe (none of the TV shows ever grabbed me) but DC’s films never blew me away, DC TV however is edging it’s way to be equal to Marvel to be honest. Flash is my DC boy and Spider-Man is my Marvel boy, they could never be more than each other.

I take superheroes very seriously, I don’t know if you can tell!

The middle of this week has been very slow – I’ve had a lot of headaches and I can’t tell if they’re dehydration or stress but I’m already looking forward to a new week and a fresh start.

In the least melodramatic way, my life right now is very uncertain – I might get this job or that job (I’ve applied for too many to count at this point), I might be living at home for a while, should I start driving lessons? Will I be home for my birthday? Do I book to go down to Bournemouth for my sister’s birthday because I don’t know where I’ll be? I feel like I’m waiting on a lot of conditions before I can settled and plan properly and we all know that planning and knowing where I am and what I’m doing is my specialty – I feel a bit like I’m floating, so I’m very much looking forward to having my feet planted firmly on the ground again.

I’ve really enjoyed writing this – I might make it a more regular thing or keep it just to when I feel like something significant is worth documenting? Either way, I found it very therapeutic so I hope you enjoyed it too!

Thank you for reading,

Sophie xx

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What I wore to graduation | outfit

2018, lifestyle, photography, student

Hello!

I’ve mentioned it in pretty much every blog post, tweet and Instagram since it happened but I graduated last week! I only figured out what I was wearing to graduation less than a week before that and whilst I’m at a point of not liking my body a whole bunch and wanting to find something that I felt comfortable and looked good in was a challenge for me, I wanted to write a whole post about the beauty I found!

I wore this blue playsuit from New Look with what I’m referring to as a cape (that I adored). It was comfy, I felt badass and it was flattering, keeping the bits of my body I’m a little more insecure about more covered.

The sleeves were perfect in this summer heatwave were having – they weren’t so much sleeves as they were curtains for my upper arms and I loved them. They were so airy and light but completely eliminated any insecurities I have about my upper arms.

I wore a size 18 and I liked that it wasn’t clingy but if it was any bigger it would have been too baggy, particularly around the chest. It was just genuinely very comfortable, particularly in the searing heat that we’re experiencing in the UK at the moment.

As for shoes, I’m holding these gorgeous heels from Next (which seem to be no longer available in the grey I chose), the reason I didn’t wear them is because I had worn them to my boyfriend’s graduation the day before (the biggest mistake I possibly could have made) and gave myself a giant blister and bruises so I avoided wearing them for as long as possible.

Don’t get me wrong, they are very comfortable and if I’d been sensible about when I wore them I definitely could have worn them all day, my feet just aren’t build for heels and I don’t really need the height! I’m 5’10” and wear a size 8, if anyone’s interested!

The sandals I’m wearing here are my mum’s and she has no idea where they’re from, but they’re very comfortable and she let me keep them. Thanks mum!

I probably should have taken my FitBit Blaze off for the day but there were some crucial steps that I wasn’t prepared to miss! I was definitely going to make walking across that stage count. In terms of other jewellery, I picked up a necklace from Primark a couple of days before which was a small gold pendant with a moon and an ‘S’ on it and I wore some gold stud earrings, that was it!

I’m not a huge jewellery gal so if I hadn’t spotted them I wouldn’t have worn anything but they were lovely additions and haven’t turned my skin green which I’m actually somewhat surprised by.

Graduation was a really lovely day – having watched my boyfriend and so many friends graduate the day before and had an amazing night at the pub (and a very emotional goodbye to a housemate of basically three years) and then to have my own day and see everyone again and thank my lecturers was just lovely. Good luck to anyone else graduating this summer and congratulations if you already have!

Thank you for reading,

Sophie xx

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Outside photos taken on my OnePlus 5T by my wonderful blogger boyfriend, photo in gowns taken on a Huawei P20 Pro by my sister.

I graduated… now what?

2018, lifestyle, student

Hello!

I wrote a post a bit like this back in June (Life after uni – what’s next?) but 1 – the point still stands and 2 – I’ve still got something to say, boy do I have more to add.

It’s completely natural to feel lost after uni – having been guided through education for 17 years, it suddenly all comes to a close and the education system thinks it’s taught me how to be a fully functioning adult! But it also things that maths theorems are important for daily life and how to pay taxes aren’t so I’m stood at the top of this ladder, weird hat that makes me look like a bird table and all, looking out to… nothing. And there’s a big drop below me.

Obviously this isn’t the case for everyone – a lot of people have jobs lined up and go straight into work and life. But that’s not to say those people worked harder or are better than me, or even luckier than me because they worked hard to be where they are, it just hasn’t worked out for me yet.

(It’s a weird post to write because I’m really proud of my friends that already have jobs and it’s definitely not luck – they’re all very deserving of their jobs, but that doesn’t mean i’m not good enough? It’s something I’m trying to figure out in my head so trying to write it and cover all basis is a bit of a challenge!)

Either way – I don’t have a job yet and that’s a little bit terrifying. However much I’d love to sack it all off and work on my blog and YouTube full time, it’s just not an option – it’s not what I want to do full time (I love it as a hobby) and it’s not a career option from a financial point of view.

So what now? Well the house contract in Southampton ran out so I’m back in my hometown with my mum for a while. My boyfriend found out he’s got a job on the day of his graduation so he’s got a summer of freelancing, an intensive driving course in September and then he’ll start by the end of September but he can work remotely so we might stay with mum for a bit longer and save to find somewhere to live.

And for the first time in our relationship he has a plan and I don’t, and I’m not a big fan.

I have a vague plan – I’ve got a little bit of freelance work and I’m going to do what I can to try and get some work experience over the summer (and continue applying for jobs) and save, maybe do an intensive driving course if I can afford it, mostly save for a flat and do some research into where we want to live. I’m maybe thinking that I don’t need to be as close to London as I thought and maybe I can get away with being closer to the South Coast, but still need to do a lot of research.

And all this is in the interim in waiting to get a job – I’m applying for as much as I can and trying to everything I can do better myself but it’s all very sketchy and not solid and it scares me – this is why I’m trying to keep myself busy (and wrote a whole blog post about it) because I have control over that.

So the conclusion of this whole ramble? I don’t know what’s happening and I’m trying my best, but people asking me what my plan is now is literally my least favourite question. But I don’t think that’s unusual for those who’ve recently graduated.

I’m sure I’ll write about it if and when I figure out more of a plan!

Thank you for reading!

Sophie xx

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New Years Resolutions – Mid Year Review

2018, lifestyle, photography, student, travel

Hello!

Considering most of the blog posts I write and publish at the moments are goals related, whether it be monthly mini goals, summer goals, post-uni goals or anything else, it’s not a surprise that at the end of June I wanted to take a look back at my goals from the beginning of the year.

The fact we’re halfway through 2018 is still blowing my mind – I can’t believe it!

This one’s going to be a long one so get yourself a beverage and a snack, let’s just jump right in.

[ PERSONAL ]

  • Find a workout / healthy eating routine : I’d like to say it’s kind of a work in progress but I’m not sure it is. I’m trying my best but it’s something I’m really struggling with. I have lost a little bit of weight and I’m slowly figuring out the ways that work best for me but it’s not the ‘fitness journey’ I wanted. Essentially I’m nowhere near as fit as I want to be but there’s still another six months!
  • Eat three meals a day : I just don’t feel hungry first thing in the morning, I can’t bring myself to eat breakfast unless I’m really in the mood. And maybe this is just my brain being a bit dumb, but whilst I”m trying to loose weight I can’t get to grips with the notion of putting even more food in my body? Probably wrong, but part of the reason I’ve not made more of an effort to include breakfast in my routine!
  • Make a budgeting plan and stick to it : well, this went really well between January and April – my loan came in, I had a plan, it went well, good job me. April onwards however has been a different story – after I finished my degree I went a bit ‘reward spending’ mad. Then the fact that I don’t have a job and I was moving home and I didn’t know how long I’d have to make the money last freaked me out and I clearly my way of coping with that was spending money. I’m not good at money. Will be easier to budget when I have a job.
  • Make sure to stick to bullet journal : definitely going with this one right now! I literally don’t leave the house without it and everything I do gets written in this book, it’s helping me feel a bit more sane in the expanse of being an unemployed graduate.

[ UNIVERSITY / CAREER ]

  • Expand 3 year plan + research career goals : I’ve completely changed my three year plan – I realised it was just a progression that seemed to fit going into a career I didn’t actually want! All a work in progress but I just want to work at this point, so my much more short term plan is find a job.
  • Graduate with at least a 2:1 : when I made this goal I had my heart set on a first but I knew if I set the goal at a first and didn’t get one it would hurt more than not getting a first. And despite working my ass off for it, I just missed out on a first so I’m glad I had that forethought. But I am getting a very high 2:1 and I graduate in a few days!
  • Marketing work experience at Sky + grad scheme : this was part of my three year plan, I don’t really want to go into marketing – I’m creative, I need to make things, particularly making videos and taking photos which I don’t think I’d get from being in marketing (please do correct me if I’m wrong!), so kind of scrapping this goal. Though I do think Sky is a great company and I would like to work for them at some point!
  • Take every opportunity available : I kind of want to adapt this one – to making opportunities for myself. I had to turn down some amazing paid work in the Netherlands earlier this year because it would have meant sacrificing the quality of my FMP and it just wasn’t a sensible option. But I have made the opportunity to make my FMP something that’s relevant to my future and I’ve made some great contacts and friends with the people I’ve interviewed and it’s a project I’m so proud of I can’t describe it. So this year is for making opportunities.

[ CREATIVE ]

  • Maintain blog and YouTube more consistently : though I have criticised myself for not being consistent and not making the content I want to make at the right time, I’m making way more than I did in my previous year’s at university! I’ve really fallen back in love with both platforms and I spend far more time making content that I feel represents me than I have made in the past. In the case of this blog, it’s predominantly lists which I feel is a bit too representative of me!
  • Keep writing : I’ve been trying to do more creative writing this year and I wouldn’t say it’s gone particularly well. However there’s been a slight development in the first few days of July – I’m a big fan of the NaNoWriMo challenge and charity and whilst the main 30 day writing challenge is in November, they do other monthly challenges throughout the year called ‘Camp NaNoWriMo‘. I thought it would be a good idea for me to partake because it makes me dive head first into writing and I don’t have any plans for July – I don’t have a job or uni or anything, I wanted something to keep me focused and productive and so far it has! in 6 days I’ve written over 10,000 words of a silly little idea I had. It’s nothing that I’d ever try and publish or produce, it’s just a silly little personal project to get me back into it but I’m loving it so much. Maybe I’ll stop trying to get a job in social media and try and get a book deal instead but I’m way more on track with this goal than I was before.
  • Keep making new things : I’ve been a bit more experimental with my videos on YouTube than I was earlier in the year – I’m trying new things, taking more time and teaching myself more about post-production too. I’ve always loved making video content and that’s where I want to push myself creatively – blogging is more of a relaxing outlet for me, I love writing and I find writing a post comes quite easily so I’m happy with what I’m making for both platforms at the moment.
  • Take the most unconventional approach : I’m not sure what I meant by this back in January, I don’t know if I was trying to be a bit edgy or what. Either way, I’m giving it a go – it kind of worked out with my FMP video so maybe it’s something I need to incorporate in the rest of this year!

So a lot has changed in 6 months but that’s why I think it’s important to check in on long term goals! But I won’t ramble on anymore.

Thank you for reading,

Sophie xx

 

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it’s not all about results

2018, lifestyle, student

Hello!

I’m someone who cares a lot about grades and I put a lot of pressure on myself – when I realised I wasn’t going to do as well in my A Levels as I did in my GCSEs I was heartbroken. And it’s not like I bombed – in my AS levels I got a C and 3 Ds which is a pass and I pulled that up to 2 Bs and a D which wasn’t awful but it wasn’t an A or an A* so I was proper gutted. But it got me into uni and that’s all that matters.

Then when I got to uni I was going to be a new person, I wasn’t going to care – I was just going to do the best I could possibly. Ha, that lasted about 10 minutes.

I scraped a 2:1 in first year but it didn’t contribute to the final degree so I wasn’t too fussed. Second year went really well for me and I ended up getting a first overall so my main goal for third year was to maintain that and do everything try to get a first over all.

And I tried my best, I worked so hard this year, and I didn’t do it. The salt in the wound is that I was only 0.44% away from the grade I wanted but I didn’t get it. At the end of the day, I didn’t get it. That sucks. Not going to pretend it doesn’t, it sucks a lot.

But. It’s. Not. Like. I. Failed.

I got a 2:1, I worked my ass off and I’ve got a great portfolio (check out my portfolio insta to see it in full, cheeky plug), I’ve had some incredible work experience that I got all by myself because I’m not a failure or an awful human being (shaking this mindset is a work in progress).

My life isn’t over. I’ve got a great degree. I could go do a masters if I wanted. I am still able to get a good job (hopefully, not successful on that front as of yet). So what’s the point in beating myself up about grades?

Conclusion: putting too much pressure on myself has been nothing but damaging.

I’ve picked up such awful habits from it, from beating myself up over every grade I got back, putting so much pressure on myself to work hard and make amazing stuff and everything needing to be the highest grade it can be and nothing I do is every quite good enough for that voice in the back of my mind.

And nothing good has come from abusing myself mentally like this.

It’s not an easy habit to break – I follow so many YouTubers and creators who are like ‘just stop doing that bad habit you have and be a happy person’ and that’s just not possible, not for me anyway. But it’s a habit worth trying to break because that kind of mental strain is only going to leave deeper scars in the long run.

So for me, what I’m doing to challenge this mindset are these three things:

  1. Telling myself that I am graduating with a good grade – a 2:1 is incredible and I worked really hard to get there and I’ve got a great community of people on my course, other friends and even a series of lecturers who are a great team who really helped and supported me. My university experience was incredibly positive and I need to remember that.
  2. Not pressuring myself too much about getting a job – obviously I need one and I really want to make the next steps to my career as soon as I can, but it’s not like I’m going to be unemployed forever and I’ll find my own path.
  3. I’m listening more to my body – I’m still making bullet journal spreads and doing what I can to keep myself busy and productive but sometimes, all I want is to curl up on the sofa and watch YouTube videos or I’d rather spend more time on fewer tasks and I go at my own pace. This has actually helped me be more productive in the long run!

It’s a work in progress, but I thoroughly recommend avoiding putting pressure on yourself where possible.

Thank you for reading,

Sophie xx

 

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“The Impact of Social Media on Breaking into the Music Industry” // my FMP

2018, music, photography, student

Hello!

I feel like the only thing I’ve talked about for the last three or four month is my FMP – my final major project, ‘my degree’s equivalent to a dissertation’ (I hate having to say this); the big project to show what three years of uni have taught me.

My FMP included making a 10-20 video, 10-20 minutes of audio, 20-40 pictures and 3000-6000 words of copy. I also had to do a pitch presentation and contextual essay but that’s the boring bit.

And the topic I chose was how social media effects musicians trying to break into the industry – how social media effects how much work they get, what defines success and how both social media and the music industry have effected musicians and those wishing to work in the industry at the beginning of their career. It was a really interesting investigation and I learnt so much about the industry I’d like to go into in the future – social media is a massive passion of mine (as in creating content, not just scrolling through twitter for hours) and I love music so making digital content within music is a huge dream of mine.

So I thought I’d do a little run down of my project! For anyone that’s interested in what I did, interested in the topic or maybe a multimedia journalism students looking to what their final project may have to look like!

For our project we had to pick a publication to write for, so my project is done in the style of BBC Three.

The copy articles I don’t want to just drop in here otherwise this blog post would be thousands of words long, but I wrote four articles about a variety of topics – an introduction to the topic, a look into a relevant example from this year and a couple of listicles. I didn’t think my writing was going to be very good but I was actually pleasantly surprised at how pleased I was with my copy in the end. If you’d like to read it, I put the copy doc (and the full final hand in doc if you want to read 100 pages of that – it’s not all words, it’s just everything I had to hand in) you can have a look at this Google Drive folder.

My pictures went hand in hand with the copy, but in the style of the publication BBC Three don’t use a lot of pictures so I made a few stylised edits but predominantly used my pictures as if they were promotion on social media which all felt very relevant to the project. I’ve chosen a selection to include here:

This is the thumbnail I made for Episode 2 of my video series interviewing Producer Connor Panayi. This is my favourite photo from the whole project

I then edited that thumbnail to look like a tweet from BBC Three’s account – using the photo, a screenshot from my own twitter to get the font and the style and a screenshot from BBC Three to get their twitter profile. I think it looks pretty legit

I used this style for my Radio interviews as well

This edit was used as an image in one of my copy articles – I was writing about music that had blown up on social media and wanted a more relevant way of using images that also showed my ability to use and manipulate photos (from the point of view of the grading of the project)

I actually took this photo when I worked at Reading Festival last year but 1) I really like it, it’s a well taken photo so why not use it? 2) It was a really relevant way to show how people get so passionate about music

This photo was taken on a shoot for one of my videos but I loved having the opportunity to photograph live music – the Blue Lion Band were amazing and if you get the chance to see them you definitely should, they’re incredible

Another still from the Blue Lion Band shoot (and another one of my favourites)

I also made a couple of infographics to represent some of the statistics in my articles and I really enjoyed making these, I’m going to work more on my graphic design skills in the future for sure

I was going to include a full portfolio of my photos but I don’t have enough space in my Google drive, so if there’s anything else you’d like to see shoot me a message and I’ll find a way!

Onto audio – I did my audio as two radio interviews as if it was a Radio 1 Breakfast Show takeover promoting the new BBC Three series. I uploaded both episodes to YouTube so you can listen to them here:

And lastly video – the pride and joy of my whole project. Making video content has always been my favourite (I’ve been on YouTube since December 2013) and I wanted to use this project to push myself with my videography as much as possible and boy did I.

It’s the most high quality video project I’ve ever shot – with the help of friends and the beautiful 50mm lens, I think the quality and aesthetic appeal of my video is better than anything I’ve ever made on my channel. I taught myself how to use AfterEffects to make a title sequence for the end of the video and I daren’t calculate how many hours I spent editing the whole project. The video element of my project is the one I am most proud of and I’m so happy to share it.

So rather than one long documentary, I made a three part episodic series and a series trailer.

Series Trailer:

Episode 1:

Episode 2:

Episode 3:


I’ll be honest, I was aiming for a First with this project – my life and soul went into it and I was (and still am) really proud of it. Unfortunately I didn’t quite achieve this but I was awarded a high 2:1 (68%) for this project.

Overall in my degree I will be graduating with a 2:1 – 69.06% (only 0.44% away from a First). Yes, I did want a first and I thought I’d done enough but you know what – it is what it is, I did my best and I can’t change it now. I’m going to be writing a blog post about holding too higher standards for yourself at some point in the future because getting those results were somewhat heartbreaking.

But either way, I’m proud to share my project and I hope you’ve enjoyed it.

Thank you for reading,

Sophie xx

 

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June Mini Goals

2018, lifestyle, student

Hello!

Now that my degree and the consequent brain fuzz have passed (and a week of frantically catching up on content hence two blog posts and five recent video uploads!) I’m properly back on track – I feel focused, I feel productive and I’m ready to set some goals.

MAY GOALS REVIEW:

  1. Content focus: I didn’t do so well with this one at the beginning of the month as I’d just handed in my final project and I needed a break. I then have put out loads of content in the last week which isn’t awful but I can’t maintain it. On the bright side, out of all the content I planned to make in May there was only one video I didn’t make so I made lots, I just didn’t upload regularly at all.
  2. Get a job: I obviously haven’t done this. I’ve applied for the odd job here and there but nothing dedicated – I didn’t do as much research as I intended but I did a bit so not a completely lost cause.
  3. See more films: I saw 2 films at the cinema last month and this month I saw three! It would have been more but I had a look at my bank balance and realised I needed to stop going to the cinema. But I watched Infinity War twice more and saw Deadpool 2, so a very Marvel superheroes heavy month.
  4. Work on portfolio: I did really well with this one! I made a huge list of everything I wanted to include, sourced 70 odd pictures, redesigned my blog and in the process of uploading everything to the portfolio that is now a part of my blog and my portfolio instagram.
  5. Exercise: This one was a massive fail – I didn’t really do anything, I couldn’t stick with what I had planned and I just couldn’t bring myself to exercise, especially because I barely have the space in my house. But I did purchase the BodyBoss workout plan and I started Day 1 of the Pre-Workout this morning so going to try my best to stick to this one and go at my own pace!

JUNE GOALS:

  1. Do something about my mental health: The ‘exercise’ goal from last month was a real highlight that my mental health was the lowest it had ever been, I won’t go into too much detail but this month I need to do something about it. I’ve actually already started on this! On June 1st I booked a doctors appointment but it’s not until the 18th. I might do a whole post about it at some point in the future.
  2. Sort out my sleep schedule: One of my New Years Resolutions for 2017 was to become a morning person and I actually did really well – there was a point by the end of the year and before I finished my degree where I’d naturally wake up around 7am and I’d be in uni by 9am. But now I just can’t do that. This morning I was out of bed by 9am and I think starting this new exercise program will help me get up earlier.
  3. Finish my portfolio: With all the baseline work done, I just need to upload everything now! I’m well on the way to achieving this and additionally, I’d like to have a short showreel on my YouTube channel by the end of the month too.
  4. Keep job hunting: Obviously this is going to keep being a goal until I’ve got a job, but I’ve already got a bunch of links open with jobs I want to apply to so this month should be more successful. Fingers crossed at least!
  5. Stay consistent with content: Calm and focus is going to be my mantra this month – I’m loving my blog and YouTube channel at the moment and making content is something I really enjoy but uploading regularly and consistently has always been my issue. I’ve got a plan and hopefully I’ll stick to it!

There’s a lot going on in my head at the moment so whilst today is a good productive day, tomorrow may now be so I’m not going to push myself but I am going to try my best!

I’ve uploaded about five videos on my channel in the last week so if you want to catch up on those they’re linked down below.

Thank you for reading,

Sophie xx

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Life after uni – what’s next?

2018, lifestyle, student

Hello!

At the beginning of May I handed in my final university project, next week I’ll receive my final results and on July 10th I will be fully gowned up and walking across that stage to collect a fake scroll (to get the real one in the post three months later).

And for the first time in my life, I don’t know what’s next.

Sure, when you’re picking your GCSEs you think the possibilities are endless, and the same when choosing A Levels or Sixth Form or College. Then when choosing a university course and a university and whether to go to university and sure those are all big decisions, but it was a natural progression – from Primary School, to Secondary School, to A Levels, to university it’s all been a fairly easy ladder to climb. Now I’m at the top and there’s isn’t an obvious step but if I don’t pick one I’m falling on my ass.

It’s scary – I’ve been in education since I was 4 years old and at 21, I now have to make a life for myself. There was a point where I found this exciting but now it’s absolutely terrifying.

But I’ve got to do something about it – I’ve got about five weeks between now and graduation and I’ve got to balance sorting out the details of moving home, deciding what stuff to put into storage and what I need to take with me, alongside building my portfolio on instagram and my blog (both a work in progress but I’ve put days of work into this thing so far) alongside applying for jobs and trying my best to get myself started on life in the real world.

I’d hoped to not have to move home – where I’m from is in the middle of nowhere and I know I’m going to have to move out again whenever I do get a job but it’s just not worked out that way as of yet. My boyfriend is just waiting to hear back from a couple of companies about potential jobs and I’m waiting back to hear from a bunch of applications but currently not holding out a lot of hope. I have so many ideas of projects I’m so passionate about but they’re just not an option right now.

So what’s next? It’s a waiting game – doing everything I can to build a portfolio that’s truly reflective of me and my skill and make a dent in the worlds I’d love to be a part of. I have a lot of big ideas and I feel I could really make a good addition to a creative, digital media team but I just need to find something that’s fit me and that I fit in to. A waiting game and a work in progress.

It’s all very scary – I’m feeling very overwhelmed and lost by the whole situation which then makes it even more difficult to feel motivated to keep applying and keep doing the best I can. There’s a lot going on in my brain right now and I’m trying to work through it – I’m making lots of blog and YouTube content and this portfolio is going to take another week or two to finish. But I think there’s progress. At least I hope there is.

If and when I do get a job, I’ll probably post about it on Twitter or Instagram first so be sure to follow me there if you want to know as soon as. My socials are always linked down below!

Thank you for reading,

Sophie xx

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social media comparison: dangerous / motivational

2018, lifestyle, photography, student

Hi there!

I feel like everywhere I look at the moment, people are talking about how social media is such a ‘toxic environment’ – influences are only posting the best parts of their lives, teenage girls think they’re fat and nobody is as happy as they say they are.

But is that really the case? Is social media as awful as everyone says?

Short answer, no I don’t think it is. Yes, in some respects, social media invites you to compare your life to what everyone else is posting about their lives, but does comparison necessarily have to be a bad thing?

Disclaimer: if social media has a negative influence on your mental health and happiness, obviously it’s not good – I can only talk about my experiences with social media and it’s different for everyone so take my words with a little pinch of salt.

For one, not everyone is scrolling through Instagram analysing how every post they see illustrates why their lives are rubbish – I scroll past a photo of an influencer who’s bought some new furniture and I think ‘oooh that’s lovely!’, I’m not thinking about how my life is awful because I can’t have what they have. Does making this example about furniture make me seem really old? I don’t even know anymore.

For two, people are capable of going through social media and seeing people they admire and not comparing themselves (whether that be their body or clothes) to what they see. There’s a lot of talk, particularly with women and teenagers, about how people only ever compare themselves to others. In some cases, this is true (obviously) but in other cases, is it not just admiring someone who looks good? I follow a fair few fitness Instagrams and yes, I’d give anything to look like they do, I’m mostly just admiring how exercise has worked for them and it inspires me more than anything else.

(For the most part, on my really low days it can be depressing but those are the days I know I have to step away or look at something else)

Whether it be body image, interior design or career, social media can be an easy source of comparison but I’ve found in more cases than not, that comparison motivates people to be on the level they want to be – to work out harder, to work as hard as they can for that promotion, to be more like the people that they follow online.

In some respects, I think for us to assume that all anyone does online if negatively compare themselves to other is just that – negative, completely dismissive of how complex people are and we’re all capable of using and reacting to social media in different ways.

Obviously this is all very personal to me – as my mum likes to remind me, I’m a very competitive person so I’m often comparing myself to others and whilst it can bring me down and dishearten me, often it inspires me to be better, to be the best I can be. Sometimes it’s as petty as being able to prove to the people I went to school with that ‘media isn’t easy’ and I can and will be successful. Sure, that’s probably not the most ideal mindset but if it inspires me to work as hard as I can is it that bad?

I predominantly follow people from school to keep up with what they’re doing and watch them flourish in their own fields, because they’re so different to mine. Just to clarify – I’m not that badly competitive.

Comparison can be an awful thing and in some instances it is dangerous, social media can be an awful platform for that. But depending on who you are, how you use social media, how you react to other people, who you follow, what content you engage with and what they post, it doesn’t have to be.

For me, I find social media can be a useful tool when I’m feeling low – it helps me stop analysing my own life for a minute. It brings me out of my own head and into someone else’s world for a little bit – it’s a distraction as much as it is a motivational comparison.

But then that is just me – what do you think? Do you use social media for a particular purpose and do you find that has an impact on you?

Thank you for reading,

Sophie xx

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This is my Uniform

2018, lifestyle, photography, student

Hello!

So I’ve talked in outfit posts before how I have a funny relationship with my body and the clothes I wear – when I started uni I was the lightest I’ve been (in my adult life) and now I’m the heaviest I’ve ever been. I’m starting a new workout routine and trying my best to eat as healthily as I can (we can but try and I really like biscuits) but my relationship with clothes is as rocky as it’s always been.

It kind of hit me all at once the other day – it was just as it started getting really warm in the UK, I don’t presently have any shorts that fit me and all my dresses were in the wash because I’d already worn them that week, so I pulled this outfit together.

I was intending to take a picture of me in this outfit but I got too nervous about it so I made this image instead… [ new look jumpsuit ] [ boohoo jumper ]

The trousers are actually a playsuit I picked up in New Look a couple of weeks ago and I thought a v-neck oversized jumper made it a bit less formal and a bit more convenient.

But I got scared, put on the leggings I feel safe in and one of two band tees I actually feel comfortable wearing outside the house, even though it was so hot and wearing black probably wasn’t a good idea.

tee: Busted merch / leggings: ‘Cosy’ from Primark / hoodie: my boyfriend’s wardrobe (also Primark, I think)

I would have been more comfortable in the yellow outfit, but I was so put off by the idea of wearing something different to usual and more out there that I could bring myself to do it.

That’s quite sad and a little bit pathetic, let’s be real.

By why do I have this uniform that I’m so scared to step outside of? That’ll be because experimenting with fashion or trying something a little bit different may draw attention to myself, which isn’t something I’m massively concerned about. But it would also draw attention to my body and, to me, my whole body is a problem area so in my head trying something a bit different is like inviting people to scrutinise my big ol’ problem area.

Again – sad and pathetic. I know it’s dumb, I know no one’s scrutinising my body as much as I am and if they are they should probably reevaluate their priorities. But I’m so self conscious I just can’t help it.

Though I’m not sure I want to change it – I love the idea of having a capsule wardrobe, but is a capsule wardrobe meant to conform to this ‘uniform’ I’ve given myself or is it meant to be a series of really adaptable pieces that all fit with each other? I feel like it’s meant to be the latter, so it doesn’t feel like a uniform but it’s still minimalistic.

Maybe I’ll start being braver, I think this starts with getting rid of more of the clothes that don’t fit me and finding clothes that are a step out of my comfort zone but still make me feel comfortable because they actually fit me. Who knows – I’m sure I’ll still have days where I stick to my uniform (because leggings and a tee s a staple, let’s be real).

Whatever happens, I’m sure I’ll document it but this is my declaration – I’m going to try and step away from my uniform.

Thank you for reading,

Sophie xx

 

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