adjusting to being alone

2021, lifestyle

Hello!

My fiancé works in Outside Broadcast, which means he sets up all the camera equipment for live sports matches; football, rugby, he’s done boxing, his colleagues have done golf and tennis – it’s a huge thing and it’s a very exciting industry, even for someone who has zero interest in sport.

He’s currently working out in Rome, Italy on the Euros – he just worked on the Opening Ceremony and the first game and he’s out there living the Italian life for nearly 5 weeks.

Several people – both his colleagues and mine – have question why we as a couple are okay with this, but we always said career comes first. It’s an amazing opportunity to work on such a huge event and in the scale of it all, five weeks is nothing. With video calls and WhatsApps and silly voice notes there’s plenty of ways for us to keep in touch and alongside being an amazing experience, it’s a good financial opportunity for us and we have a wedding to save for!

But whilst he has an amazing opportunity and extra money, I have an empty house and a lot of alone time for five weeks. It’s definitely a tough trade off but I never want to be the one holding him back from amazing opportunities. He’s been flown to Rome to work on one of the first major sporting events since the pandemic cancelled everything and whilst we’re relatively unattached (no pets or children or anyone under our care), now’s the perfect time to go. If I worked in an industry that had similar opportunities, I would have done the same.

Being home alone has been a big adjustment – many of my friends and family live alone and I’ve had a few comments from one family member saying ‘now you understand’ but, whilst it may be easy for me to say; I don’t think it’s the simple. It’s all about what is considered our ‘normal’ – my normal is living with someone else, so suddenly being on my own isn’t really equivalent to living alone because it’s not my normal. Sure, it’s an insight into what your life is like but it’s not my normal.

However, today I wanted to talk about all the nice things I’m experiencing in being on my own for a little bit – it’s not all highs and it’s not all lows but there’s a place for talking about the tough times and a place to concentrate on the best bits – today is a best bits day.

Firstly, the weather has massively picked up in the UK and it’s been lovely to have the back door open and feel a warm breeze, the sun on my skin and the smell of barbecues at the weekend (despite how hungry it makes me!). I’m normally very much an inside person and last year our garden was essentially shared so I didn’t love spending time outside, but now I have my own private garden, I’ve picked up some garishly yellow sun loungers and I have a plan to douse myself in SPF and spend the afternoon making a good dent in my book!

Which leads me on to my current greatest passion – reading. I really got back into reading in 2020 and although it’s ebbed and flowed and a bad book can put me off for a few weeks, as the weather’s got better the only thing I want to do is sit outside with my prescription sunglasses and a book. Maybe a snack but I’m working on not snacking.

At the moment, most of my evenings are finishing work, having half an hour to mentally check out of ‘work mode’, making dinner then sitting on the sofa watching YouTube until 10pm when I go up to bed and read until I fall asleep and although it sounds a bit boring, I’m enjoying giving myself a little bit of structure. I’m still figuring out what the best routine is to get the best nights sleep but just blitzing through my watch later playlist and catching up on all my YouTube videos is really satisfying to me.

This might be the silliest thing that brings me joy… but I bought a bubble machine.

Let me explain!

Last year when we had an essentially-shared-garden, our neighbours kid had a bubble machine and the joy I felt watching all the bubbles float passed our window was so pure and wholesome. I realised a few weeks ago that I am a whole grown ass adult and if I want a bubble machine I can buy myself a bubble machine.

So I did.

I am posed with my tongue out and bubbles floating all around me.

And I was 100% correct about the level of joy it brings me – £6 well spent.

Life’s too short to deny ourselves simple pleasures.

A project I’m doing which perfectly coincides with my fiancé being away is Hannah Witton‘s #DearJune Instagram challenge – I’ve totally re-evaluated my relationship with posting on Instagram and for the last six or seven months or so I’ve only posted the photos I really like and want to share, rather than posting every single day because I felt obligated as a ‘blogger’, ‘wannabe influencer’ person and I was a little worried with Dear June interfering with that, but it’s pushed me creatively to take more interesting photos and write more meaningful captions and I’m really proud of what I’ve shared so far! It’s been a fantastic creative exercise so far and it’s been surprisingly self-reflective too, making me look me deeply within myself and giving me lots more to discuss with my therapist (which is a good thing).

Changing living situation is always hard, whether it’s moving house, being in a long distance relationship for a little bit or simple trying a new routine. But I suppose it’s mentally reframing change as an opportunity to be a good thing and not immediately react negatively (but this is hard and takes practice!).

Thank you for reading,

Sophie xx

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