I thought struggling with friendships and not knowing who really cared for me was something that I had to worry about at 16, but then I was 18 and now I’m nearly 21 and I’ve had a lot of difficulty making friends and maintaining friendships and I don’t think it’s something that ever really goes away.
But just because it doesn’t go away doesn’t mean it’s okay or that you should put up with it – here are some things that I’ve learned over losing and trying to make friends that are worth your time and make you happy.
If your friends don’t make you feel happy and loved, are they really worth your time at all? If they’re pointing out your insecurities or ganging up on you (even if it starts as a joke, it can still happen too often and if it’s hurting you then it’s not okay regardless of the intent!) then something needs to be done.
You need to be surrounded by people who think of you even when you’re not present – when they message you about something that just popped into their heads or they see a picture of puppy on Facebook and they tag you in it.
If you’re always the one organising coffee or nights in or nights out even, just take a step back and stop – stop texting first, stop making plans and just see how long it takes for them to notice (but then conversely, if they do message you don’t let them always message first because then they’ll feel like you felt like… does that make sense?).
Time should feel almost as if it doesn’t pass when you’re surrounded by good people – if you’re counting down the minutes until it’s an acceptable time to leave or you’re finding yourself checking the time or scrolling endlessly through Instagram to pass the time then you’re probably not spending time with people who are engaging you on any kind of level.
Conversation shouldn’t feel forced or make you feel uncomfortable – if you’re talking about the weather for the sake of talking about the weather or telling each other about how uni or work is going just to have something to say, there’s no point.
You never deserve to be someone’s second choice – ever, you do not deserve to be shunned for anyone else. Not to say that everyone should only have one set of friends, but if you find yourself being turned away by the same person over and over again so they can spend time with someone else you don’t need that – they aren’t worth your time, effort and love.
There’s nothing more empowering than surrounding yourself with friends that make you feel like you could take on the world together – cutting people out of your life hurts like hell but when you realise how much they were holding your back and tearing you down, you’ll be grateful for your strength.
I know this blog post is a little bit different but it’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately and still something I’m struggling to come to terms with.
Thank you for reading,