I’m really tired and I’ve had quite a low, emotional day (I won’t get into it, I’m feeling better now!) so I wasn’t sure what to blog about – like every other day – so I was thinking about what I did today but I didn’t do anything, really, so there was no blog post there. I’ve blogged about how great last week was already so I thought I’d talk about something that’s coming up.
I’m spending most of this week meeting up with people and going to take photos of dance classes but between all of that I’m packing up to move to uni on Saturday.
At the moment, all of my kitchen and uni things are sat in the playroom of my house (a room with a bunch of old board games and a Wii) and I really need to pack up some clothes and other possessions as I haven’t started packing yet at all.
I think it’s because I know that as soon as I start packing the whole thing becomes infinitely more real – I am scared of moving, if I’m perfectly honest, I’m scared of going completely on my own and not knowing a single person there. I’m scared of knowing I’m really going to struggle with money and that I won’t have the safety net of my parents or my sister. I’m scared I’m not going to make any friends, even though my mum assures me that I will find like minded people that don’t want to go out all the time and like making YouTube videos and blogging. Maybe I’ll even find a writing friend, I found writing so much easier when I had someone to share ideas with and write together but I don’t have that any more, so it would be nice to find that replacement.
But, primarily, I’m scared. Rationally I know that it’s going to be fine – the amount of students in Southampton, over two universities, it’s incredibly unlikely that I won’t find a single person that I make friends with.
I think most of it is that I really love my home friends right now – I had such a lovely weekend for my birthday and I’m going to miss them so much that the thought of making new friends feels strange, because I value my current friends so much. I know that I can have more than one set of friends and that everything I’m saying is completely irrational but being so aware of how irrational it is just makes me feel guilty about feeling scared.
This got deep quickly didn’t it? I didn’t mean for it to, I know I’m going to be fine, but I’m not going to pretend I’m not scared.
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